Worth Marrying
by HalfBloodHannah
Summary: AU I was fine until I found him again at Alice's wedding.We got involved,in what I thought was an easy relationship with no future and good sex.But when he asked me for more...I couldn't give it to him.LJ
1. Confusion: prologue

I am engaged.

_I _am engaged.

I _am_ engaged.

_I am engaged!!_

Bloody hell! How could this happen? I mean, one day I was having wild sex, next day I was being proposed by the man I once promised never to date??

I mean, we hadn't even gone public with our relationship, and he asked me to marry him! If before I didn't have the courage to admit I was dating him, how was I supposed to admit I was _engaged_ to him??

"Lily, what are you doing over there? Come back to bed, I want to celebrate our engagement a while longer…"

_No, no, no, no… _this can't be true. I mean, how could this happen? I was just fine being single, not doing sex at almost a year, and then… bum! He appears and, just like that, I have to _marry_ him?

"Lily!"

"I'm coming!"

I have to find a way out of this. I just have to. I mean, why did I say yes? I don't want to marry him! I don't want to marry, period!

Unlike other girls, I never _ever_ dreamt about marriage. The only knowledge I have about weddings is that the priest says "you may kiss the bride" in the end of his speech. And that's because I had to go to Alice's wedding and somehow managed a way to drown the rest of his boring speech.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and tore my gaze from the window and from my thoughts. "Is anything wrong, Lils? You seem weird."

I smiled a very fake smile. "No, nothing's wrong. I'm just thinking over some things. It was a very eventful night."

He smiled too and kissed me lightly on the lips. "I can't believe we're getting married."

_Yeah… me neither._

"Have you thought about how we're going to tell your parents?" he asked me, sitting next to me.

"We'll have time to think about that."

_Meaning: I don't want to tell my parents!_

"Okay. Let's get back to bed?"

"Yes, please."

Well, at least the sex was good. If I married him, I'd be pleased for life. _Lily! What are you thinking? Marrying him? Are you crazy?? _I can't marry him; but I don't want to break his heart. What a life!

I have to find a way around this; but I'll leave that for the morning. Right now, I'm too upset to even fake an orgasm. Not that he'll notice; he's too content with our bloody engagement for that.

Like I said before, he's worth marrying for the sex. But if I can have it while single, why change? Just say it girl…

"Honey…"

"Yes?" he asked, as he left my neck alone for some seconds and returned to my mouth.

"I have to tell you something…" I whispered, pushing him away slightly.

He sensed the seriousness in my tone and looked up at my eyes. "What?"

"I can't marry you."

"Come again? I don't think I understood."

"I can't marry you, James…"

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**Author's note: hello dear readers! Hope you enjoyed the first chapter of wh****at is supposed to be my new fic! To everyone who has read some of my other fics and is now reading this one, I honestly hope you liked it!**

**Thanks anyway for reading until here!**

**Love,**

**Hannah**

**Ps: constructive criticism is appreciated and so are nice reviews. Flames are not and shall be ignored.**


	2. Misery

**Chapter two: A piece of my misery**

"_I can't believe this is the day. I mean, it's today! It finally came, I'm getting married! I can't go back now, but I don't want to either. It's so confusing, but it's so great. I mean-"_

"_Alice! We got your point." I said, trying not to appear as bored as I was. So excited because of a wedding?_

"_Lily, don't be so harsh," Mary said, smiling at Alice and taking her hands. "I'm really happy for you, and I know Lily is too."_

"_Yeah, yeah." I said, waving my hand dismissively._

_Alice smiled widely. "I know she is." She said, "So, do I look good enough?"_

_We were in the back of the chapel, some minutes before the wedding started. Mary and I were going to be bride's maids. Her maid of honour was Dorcas, and Emmeline was her last bride's maid._

_Alice was one year older than me and, although we had gone to Hogwarts together, only after school did Mary and I started hanging out with her more, and finally became best friends. Emmeline and Dorcas were the other part of Alice's coin, the friends she had when she was still at Hogwarts._

"_You look beautiful, Alice." Dorcas said, "Frank will be mesmerized when he sees you."_

"_Aye. He won't know what hit him." Emmeline said._

_We laughed, at the same time someone knocked on the door. "Yes?" Alice said._

_Molly Weasley opened the door and smiled at us. "Time to go girls." she said._

_Alice squealed excitedly and I couldn't help but smile. It was wonderful to see her so happy._

"_Why did it take so long?" Mary asked Molly as we exited the room._

"_One of Frank's friends was late." Molly answered._

_Finally, we arrived to the big double doors of the chapel through which Alice would make her grand entrance. I was paired up with one of Frank's friends and finally we went in._

_It was amazing how everyone stopped to look at us. I mean, it had nothing magical about it; it was like we were the major attraction in a fair, only prettier and dressed nicer._

"_Hi." The guy who was supposed to be my pair said._

"_Hi." I answered, not giving him the time of the day. I loved Alice like a sister, honestly, but Frank was kind of weird. Okay, he was a nice guy, I give her that, but sometimes he was an also very doubtful guy. I'll pass the flirting with one of his friends, _thank you.

"_You don't really remember me, do you?"_

_I didn't have time to turn to said guy and ask him what he meant with that, for the next moment we had arrived to the altar and I had to go to one side and he went to the other._

"_We're gathering here today…" the old man in front of Alice and Frank started._

_In an attempt to ignore what he was saying, I turned my eyes- and concentration – to the guy who had been paired up with me._

_I looked to his side of the altar, where he was with the rest of Frank's weird friends, and found him looking back at me. Had I known him before? Maybe at Hogwarts?_

_No. Hogwarts had been three years ago, how was I supposed to remember everyone I had known there?_

"_Eyeing the guy?" Mary whispered next to me, "Is it now that you'll break the year without sex?"_

_I rolled my eyes at her. Okay, so I didn't have sex in almost a year. It's not like I needed to be remembered of the fact!_

"_Be quiet. This is Alice's wedding." I hissed back._

_She smirked, giving the guy a once over. "He's handsome. Also, the volume in his pants, do you see it? That's pure gold, my friend."_

_I ignored her as I once again looked at the guy. However, I couldn't help but lower my eyes a little to check if Mary was right. I had to give it to her, he seemed to be… blessed, for lack of a better word._

_My eyes returned to his, to find him still looking at me but with an amused face. "Like what you see?" he mouthed, looking down to point what he was talking about._

_I grinned. "I've seen better." I mouthed to him in answer. "But it's not bad."_

_He grinned as well, having somehow understood what I said._

_After that, we were silence (And with this I mean no mouthing), while I tried to understand where I'd seen him before. He did seem familiar when I took a closer look at him. His dark unruly hair sticking at the back gave me a sensation that I had known him before, and that we had been close. But if we had been close, how could I forget him just like that?_

_I only had one sure: I had met the stranger while at Hogwarts. It was the only possibility._

_Out of the blue, he winked at me, gaining my attention back. Then, he mouthed. "Go out with me, Evans."_

_I screwed my face in confusing. What? How did he know my name? Why was he-_

"_Go out with me, Evans." Mary repeated next to me. "How come I didn't recognize him right away?" she said, amazed, while she waved at him and he waved back with a grin._

"_What are you talking about?" I asked. She looked at me and raised an eyebrow._

"_Jeez, Lils, you're really slow__ sometimes."_

_I looked back at him trying to remember where I'd listen to that sentence. Then, a memory came to my head._

"You think you're funny. But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone."

"I will if you go out with me, Evans. Go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid."

_My mouth felt agape __in shock, my body froze and my eyes widened. "Potter!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, not sure if I should be mad or happy to see him. I had spent so many time of my life fighting him and hating him that I wasn't sure what to feel._

_I felt everyone else's eyes on me, and turned to see Alice and Frank smirking. I had just humiliated myself and almost ruined Alice__'s wedding because of Potter. Some things never change, do they?_

"_Sorry." I said to them. "Please, go on."_

_They turned back to the bald man (that was the nickname I gave the __preast__), and I turned to Mary, to see her shaking with suppressed laugh. "Oh, shut up." I snapped at her._

_I looked back at Potter to find him shaking with laughter as well. I remembered that, when we were back at Hogwarts, he used to be my personal stalker. Yeah, some people get personal trainers, I got a personal stalker. Life's so unfair._

_He used to ask me out non-stop, which was kind of annoying at first, when I didn't want to go out with him, and it was also annoying after, because I wanted to go out with him but couldn't because it'd make me look like a hypocrite._

"_Hey." He mouthed, no longer laughing._

"_Hey." I mouthed back._

_Now I just had to find a way to remember his first name._

"_You may kiss the bride."_

_Great, now the bald man had just shortened my time._

(…)

"What do you mean, you can't marry me?"

James had sat up in bed, facing me. His eyes betrayed the hurt and confusing he was going through.

"I-I-I mean…" I said, trying to come up with a good excuse. What could I say? I can't marry you because then I'd have to admit I'm with you? I can't marry you because I don't want to get married? "James, it's complicated."

"I don't get why it's complicated. Explain it to me, Lily, because I find it pretty simple!" he shouted, more out of resentment than out of anger.

"James…" I started again, not sure of how to put things.

"James, James, James!" he said, standing up in a rough move and starting to pace the room. "Is that all you can say?"

"Don't be like that!" I said, also standing but staying still while I watched him pacing.

"Don't be like that! We're dating for six months, Lily!" he said, stopping the pacing to look me in the eyes. "We haven't gone public, I asked you to marry me and you accepted. And out of the blue you say you can't marry me??"

"Well, you practically forced me to say yes!" I shouted back, anger taking the best of me.

"I forced you to say yes? That's absurd!" he said.

"It's not absurd! You proposed in the middle of a restaurant, everyone looking at us. How could I say no??" I yelled at him, gesticulating with my hands crazily.

He was quiet for some minutes before he took the large two steps that separated us. When he spoke, he did it in a low voice. "Answer me on this: you can't marry me, or you don't want to marry me?"

I looked into his eyes, brown at that moment, and found myself wordless. My eyes filled with tears for some strange reason as I was finally able to form a speech.

"It's not you…" I started saying.

"'It's not you, it's me.'" He said in a voice that showed he couldn't believe I was saying that. "That's the excuse you have, Lily? What was I for you after all? Your personal toy? To play with and throw away when you're tired of it?"

"I'm not making excuses James! And you are not my toy!" I said, grabbing his arm when he made to move away from me. I forced him to face me. "I just can't get married. And it has nothing to do with being you."

He looked at me with disbelieving eyes before laughing. But it was such a cold laugh, nothing to do with his normal carefree, passionate laugh.

"That's bullshit. The reason you're breaking our engagement is because you are afraid of commitment. Not only that, but you're ashamed of admitting we have been going out for the past six months and that you like me, James Potter, the guy you promised never to date."

"Jimmy…" I whispered.

"Don't Jimmy me." He said, yanking his arm free from me. "We're not at Hogwarts anymore. We're grown ups now, but you can't seem to behave like one!"

"Or maybe I am behaving like one! Maybe, I am stopping this engagement now because I don't love you, and I don't want to marry you! And why have I been keeping in secret the fact that we have been going out for the past months? Maybe because you are right, you're my toy, and I'm sick of you right now!" I yelled, not having control over what I said anymore. Only when the words were out of my mouth, I realized the mistake I had done.

He stayed in silence for some minutes, looking at me and considering what I had said. "I think I should be leaving." Was all he said, before he turned to the door.

"Shit…" I said, before following him out of the room. "James, wait! I didn't mean that! James! Wait!"

He ignored my words as he kept walking through my apartment as quickly as he could. "James! If you really love me, wait! Let me talk to you!"

He stopped momentarily, and, when I thought he'd turn and hear what I had to say, he started walking again. When he opened the door, he turned to look at me.

"You can owl me the ring." He said, and then exited and slammed the door shut. The soft "pop" of him apparating was heard, and then the silence reign over.

(…)

"Trouble in paradise?" Mary asked from behind me some minutes after, and I turned to see her dressed in her night gown and with a worried expression I knew she kept only for me.

"I think James and I broke up."

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**Author's note: hello! i want to thank everyone who reviewed last chapter! i wasn't expecting half the reviews!**

**okay, about the fic: I will try to update weekly, especially because I won't have much time to write.**

**hope you liked the chapter. for who didn't understand, the part in italics was her past.**

**Hannah**


	3. Decisions

"_Unbelievable." I said to myself in anger. "Un-bloody-beliavale." I repeated as I hit my shoe against the wall in an attempt to put the hell back. I had just broken it in the middle of Alice's wedding._

"_This is fantastic. Simply fantastic." I said once again, hitting it a little harder. Finally, my hand ached and I stopped for a little, leaning my back against the wall I had been previously beating._

_A knock on the door sounded. "It's taken!" I said, my voice a little resented._

"_I know. I just came to check on you. Are you alright?"_

_My eyes widened in confusion as I kept staring at the door. I knew that voice; it was the guy from the wedding, my formed stalker at Hogwarts, the guy I didn't know the first name; Potter._

Weird_, I thought. He hadn't spoken to me after the ceremony. We had shared a few glances while we were eating, smiled at each other too, but other than that, nothing happened. Not even a simple "How's it going?"_

_And then Gideon, a friend, took me to dance. And then I switched pairs at least three times. And then my heel broke, what led me to where I was: the girls' bathroom._

"_Lily?"_

"_Yeah, I'm okay." I answered, bored._

"_Can I come in?"_

_I raised an eyebrow at the door. "You want to come in?"_

"_Yes, can I?"_

_I shrugged, too disappointed with my beautiful broken shoe to bother. "Whatever." I said, unlocking the door and then retrieving back to my place leaning on the wall._

"_So…" he started, "Whatch'a doing here?"_

_I pointed to my broken heel that was resting over the sink. "It broke. I have no shoe." I said, pointing to my naked feet._

_He looked at me seriously for some seconds before laughing. "You're kidding me, right?"_

"_No… Why would I?" I said, a little hurt that he thought the situation was funny. It was not funny not to have a shoe!_

"_If I didn't know better, I'd say you had never studied at Hogwarts, let alone be the Head Girl." He said, taking his wand out of his pocket and smiling, picking up my broken shoe. "_Reparo_." He said, and, just like that, it was as new._

_I groaned. "Great. Now I feel stupid." I said. How could I not remember I had my wand with me all the time and could have it fixed in one second with no major stress? Wait… maybe that was what Mary was trying to say when I ran to the bathroom… _great.

"_I'd feel stupid too." He said, smirking._

_I looked at him disbelieving before laughing. "I see you didn't change at all." I told him as he kept holding my beautiful shoe._

"_The same can't be said about you. The only things I recognize are the eyes and the hair colour." He said, smiling._

"_I didn't change that much." I answered, "I'm only older. So… what have you been up to? Three years is a lot of time to be away from someone who was your stalker."_

_He laughed. "I was kind of obsessed with you, wasn't I? But who'd blame me? You were a hot chick."_

_My jaw dropped. "Potter!" I said, "Seriously, you really haven't changed!"_

"_I'm kidding, Evans." He said, "Don't fret."_

_I smiled. "Call me Lily. And I'm not fretting. Especially because I'm happy you fixed my shoe." I told him._

"_I'll call you Lily if you call me by my first name too."_

_I laughed. He just had to say that, didn't he? "I'm sorry, I can't." I said._

_He frowned. "Why not? Still relying on old grudges? School was long ago, Lily."_

"_It's not that," I said, shaking my head. "It's… more complicated than that."_

"_What is it then?" he asked me, curiously._

"_I… I can't remember your first name." I told him, not looking him in the eyes. It was embarrassing, to say the least._

"_You can't?" he asked, somewhat shocked._

"_No, sorry. I've tried everything to remember, but I just can't." I said, finally looking at him._

_He sighed and smiled. "Okay, I can't blame you. Maybe I traumatized you too much for you to remember."_

_I smiled. "Maybe. So… what's your name?"_

_Potter laughed. "Not telling you. You'll have to remember."_

_I pouted. "Yeah, okay… I'll see what I can do." We smiled at each other for a while "So," I started again "What _have_ you been up to these last three years? You still haven't answered me…"_

"_That's a complicated question." he said after a while._

"_Really?" I asked, curious. "Because, you know, a simple 'oh, I've gotten married', or 'I've been whoring around' or an 'I found out I'm gay' would be enough."_

_He smirked. "Trying to find out if I'm taken?"_

"_Not really." I answered, smiling._

"_It's worth a try. Anyway, what have _you_ been up to, Lily?"_

"_Oh, you know, simple things, really…"_

"_Like getting married, whoring around or finding out you're a lesbian?" he asked, making me laugh as he laughed as well._

"_Not really." I said. "So, can I have my shoe back?" I asked, signalling the shoe that was still in his hand._

"_Sure." He said, taking a step to me so he could reach me. As he extended his hand to give me the shoe, I moved front and somehow he ended up touching my breast, and not giving me back the shoe because he quickly retreated back his hand._

_We stared at each other._

"_I just touched your… well, your…"_

"_You just touched my breast, Potter." I completed for him. "Is that anything new in your life?" I asked him ironically, "Because, if it is, I can give you some free lessons about what happens when men touch women's bodies."_

_He smirked. "Well, it's not exactly a new thing… but I'd take the lessons with no problem. Besides, I've just touched Lily Evans' bobs." He said, grinning childishly. "Wait until I tell Padfoot!"_

_I laughed, amused by his words. "Gosh, it seems we're back at Hogwarts. You still hang out with that git? Sirius Black, isn't it?"_

_He nodded. "Yeah, that's the one. Wait until I tell him my fifteen year-old fantasy has final-hey!" he said suddenly, stopping his speech. "You remember his name, but you can't remember mine?"_

_I laughed and blushed at the same time. "Sorry." I said._

_He took one more step in my direction after some seconds of silence. "Okay, I'm going to try and give you the shoe again, but this time carefully." He said, taking yet another step. He was so closed to me I could smell his cologne. It was some citrus scent I remembered from somewhere._

_I looked__ at him to see him looking at me as well. Our eyes locked, and he gave another step, making me walk back and be trapped between him and the wall._

"_You know, you could perfectly have thrown the shoe at me. No need to get this close." I said, as I looked at his full lips and smiled._

_He smiled down at me too and lowered his head. His lips were almost touching mine, but not quite. He didn't say anything, only looked at me._

"_Are you going to kiss me or what?" I asked after a while, lustful for having him so close that I could feel his body pinning mine against the wall._

"_Not until you remember my name." he said, smirking, before he gave a step back and turned, walking to the door, my shoe still with him._

_That's when I remembered where I knew his smell from. I was an expert in colognes, and the one he was wearing was called "James"._

"_Hey," I said, and he turned for a moment to look at me. "Can I have my shoe back__, James?" I asked._

_Next thing I knew, I could smell the citrus scent again, my body was once again pinned against the wall and, this time, his lips were really touching mine, kissing me hungrily, wildly, just like I wanted him to._

(…)

I sighed once again and took one more sip of my coffee to calm myself; I just needed to think straight and a solution would easily come to me.

"Let me see if I got things right: he proposed, you said yes, and then you said no because he was your toy and you were sick of him?" Mary asked me carefully from the other side of the kitchen table.

It was morning already.

The night before, when Mary had entered the living room, I couldn't utter another single word after the sentence I had said sunk in. James and I had broken up. As in not being together anymore. The tears had formed in my eyes and I had cried like a lost child, until Mary decided it was better if I went to bed, and that the following morning we'd try to understand what had happened together.

"I didn't say that." I told her. I closed my eyes momentarily. "I mean, I did say it, but I didn't mean it. He said some things and then I just couldn't help myself anymore."

"Lily… I seriously don't get you. Don't you like him?"

"I-I- I don't know." I said, opening my eyes to look at my cup of coffee.

"You don't know?" she asked sceptically, "Don't lie to me Evans. I know you better than Snape ever did."

I took a calming breath. "Okay, I like him. But I don't want to marry him!"

"Then why did you say yes in the first place? I'm sure that if you had said no and explained why, he'd understand." She said, taking my hand in hers. "James loves you; he'd do anything for you. Just like he has endured six months of only seeing you here or at his place, and only a few times during the week. He loves you."

Her sentence remembered me something from the night before. I had said it, hadn't I? Yes, I knew I had. "I told him I didn't love him last night."

"You did?" she asked surprised.

"Yeah."

"And you don't?"

"I don't know."

"Lily…"

"Seriously, Mary, I don't know." I said, looking at her, "I don't know anything right now. I'm so confused, I can't think straight."

She didn't say anything as she simply stared at me. After some minutes of silence, she spoke. "You know you screwed up whatever you had, don't you?"

I nodded. "I know."

She only nodded back, and we didn't say anything else. At last, I stood up. "Mary, do me a favour."

"Sure." She said.

"Owl James his clothes. Last night he left only in boxers." I smiled at that, but the smile was quickly off my face again.

"Alright, Lils. No problem. Anything else?" she asked, as I was exiting the kitchen.

I stopped to think for a while before I answered. Then, I turned back to her and stood in front of her. "Here's my engagement ring," I said, taking it off my finger, something I didn't do sooner for some strange reason. Maybe because it made me feel as if he was closer to me. I opened my mouth to speak again, but Mary cut in.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I'm not letting you owl him back the ring without at least trying to have a decent talk with him."

"You didn't let me finish," I told her. "I want you to keep it so I can't owl it back," I said, "I'm going to talk to him after work. See if I can work things out."

She smiled but looked at me confused. "But I thought you didn't want to marry him?"

"I don't. But at least it's something that still connects me to him. I need that connection." I said, "I'm going to get dressed now or I'll be late for work. Don't wait for me for dinner."

"Okay." She said, and I turned back and walked to the door, making my way to my room.

(…)

"You're not yourself today, Lily." Emma, a girl who worked with me at the Diary Prophet, said from her desk. "You're always looking at the clock. Everything's alright?"

"I'm fine, Em." I said, smiling at her. "Had a bad night, that's all."

She smiled as well. "Okay. If you need anything, just say."

"Thanks."

No, I was not alright. I was far from alright.

Mary had sent me an owl by lunch time telling me that, after she sent him his clothes, it hadn't been James to answer but Sirius. She said he thought I had been the one to send the clothes, as she had put no note on the owl, and that he wrote back quite a furious letter. She said he had sent me a howler saying I was the most stupid person in the world, and that I better stay away from James during the next _centuries_. And to owl back the ring.

To top it all, Sirius had always been for my relationship with James.

"Hey, Lily, there's someone here to see you." Emma said. I turned my eyes to where she was pointing, praying that it was James. I sighed, it was not James. It was Alice.

"Hey Ally." I said, smiling. "What are you doing here?"

She shrugged and smiled. "Just came to say hi."

"You never have time to come and say hi." I pointed out, "You're a busy auror. So, what are you really doing here?"

She sighed and her smile dropped. "Okay, you're right. I came because I needed a cheery person that's happy and in love. Go ahead, fill me with love." She said.

Alice and Mary were the only two people in the world who knew about me and James. Them and, of course, the rest of the Marauders: Sirius, Remus and Peter. And Frank too, but that was because whatever Alice knew, Frank knew as well.

I raised an eyebrow at her. "I'm not that full of love today either." I told her, "But tell me, what happened?"

She sighed. "Frank and I fought."

"Why?"

"He wants me to go see a healer. But I don't want to go. So we fought and he slept on the couch."

"Alice, that's stupid. Why would you send him to sleep on the couch when he was simply worried about you?" I said. Then, my face was even more one of confusion. "Why would he want you to see a Healer?"

"Oh, nothing too special." She said.

"Ally?"

"He thinks I can't get pregnant." She said at last, her eyes filling with tears. "He thinks I should see a healer because I can't get pregnant."

"Oh, Alice…" I said, taking her hand.

"We've been trying Lily, trying everything since we get married." She said, "I should have a baby inside of me by now. Why can't I have a baby?"

"I don't know, Ally." I said, "Maybe Frank's right, maybe you should see a Healer. Just to know what's happening inside of you."

"No!" she said, "I don't want to see a Healer! Can't you see, Lily? I'm not woman enough to have a baby inside of me!"

I sighed. I knew what she was thinking. I knew the real reason she didn't want to see a Healer. "You don't really want to know, do you? You don't want to find out that you can't have babies."

She sobbed as the tears finally started falling. "What if I that's true, Lily? I want a baby so much…"

"Calm down, Ally, calm down." I said, "Just talk to Frank, explain what you fear. He loves, he'll understand. And then you can go together to St. Mungos."

"And what if, Lily? What _if_?"

"Don't think about that now, okay? Just don't think about it."

She nodded and cleaned her eyes. "You're right. I can't break now."

I smiled, "No, you can't."

She looked up and smiled too. "Thanks Lily."

"You're welcome."

"Anyway," she said, cleaning her last tears. "Changing subjects, you said you weren't full of love today. Something's wrong in paradise?" she asked.

I laughed. She looked at me strangely. "That's what Mary said last night, after James left the apartment."

"Oh, you fought with James?" Alice asked, "It's your first fight."

I smiled sadly. "And the last, too."

"Why?" she asked curiously.

"We broke up." I told her. "Or he broke up with me, I don't know."

Alice seemed surprised. "He? But he was so much into you. Frank said it seemed like we were back at Hogwarts and he was obsessed with you."

"Yeah, something else happened. Mary tells you the details; I don't feel like reminding it."

She nodded. "And there isn't a way to fix things with him?" she asked, this time she was the one holding my hand.

I looked at the clock on the wall opposite me. It was six o'clock, time for me to leave.

"That's what I'm going to find out in the next half hour." I told her, as we both stood up and I started packing my things. "I'm going to his apartment now."

"Want some help to control the damages? Or better, to control Sirius?"

I smiled at her. She knew me so well.

"No," I said at last, "I have to face my own mistakes alone."

"Alright Lils. Good luck."

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**Author's note:**** hello! Here's the new chapter. I especially like this one, because of the last scene when Alice comes in. It also helps a lot to see some of what's going to happen in this fic.**

**Anyway, thanks everyone who reviewed! Hope you keep reviewing!!**

**Love,**

**Hannah**


	4. Problems

_I was standing in front of the small café __I had never dared to enter before. It was in a muggle village not too far from where I lived. It had a dark aspect over it, despite the pink and blue flowers that adorned the door._

_Was he inside already? I didn't know; maybe he was, waiting for me and imagining I wouldn't come.__ How would it be to talk with him in a less formal ambient?_

_After we had kissed in the bathroom during Alice's wedding, he asked me if I wanted to go for a coffee with him sometime, to catch up on what had happened during the three years we had spent apart. I had to accept, the curiosity of what had changed in the mighty James Potter eating at me, and asked him to meet me in the very same coffee I was staring at now, half of me wanting to go back home and forget I ever kissed him in that bathroom and ignore him like I did during the rest of the wedding._

"_Don't be a__ fool, Lily," I said to myself, as I stared once again to the windows of the little café, trying to see where he was. "What can be so hard in talking to him?"_

_Sighing, I took a step to the entry, and opened the door. Once inside, I searched for him with me eyes. I found him looking at me with an open smile at a table in the corner. Smiling as well, I walked to him._

"_I thought you wouldn't come." He said as I sat down and he gestured for the waitress to come._

"_Why would you think that?" I asked, as I took off my jacket._

_He shrugged. "Maybe because you stood outside half an hour before you came in." he said. I felt myself blushing and looked down._

"_You saw me?" I asked, unsure._

"_Yup." He said, his voice light and with some amusement._

_I finally looked up to see him smirking. Then, I understood. "Liar." I said, "You were testing me!"_

"_And it worked." He said, grinning. "So, why were you waiting outside half an hour?"_

"_I don't know. Guess I was… musing if this was a good idea." I said._

"_Lily, it's just a catch up." He said, edging forward on his chair. "You're not promising me to have my babies."_

_I laughed and edged closed to him too. When I spoke, I whispered. "James, both you and I know that we'll get out of here with something more than just a catch up."_

_James opened his mouth to speak but, at the same time, the waitress arrived to our table. Quickly, each of us returned to our previous places, him smirking, me, smiling._

"_What are we having today?" the waitress, a woman with her forty years and a pretty, chubby face __asked us._

"_A cappuccino, please." I said, smiling at her._

_The waitress smiled back. "And the boyfriend?"_

_I felt the heat rising to my cheeks. "Oh, no, he's not my boyfriend." I said, at the same time James said, "I'm not her boyfriend."_

_I turned to him and we stared at each for some seconds, before laughing. The woman smiled. "Pity. You two make a wonderful couple."_

_I shook my head and smiled, has I heard James chuckling. "I've told her that a million times, but she won't listen!"_

_The waitress laughed and looked at me. "You're still young, you have life ahead of you. Who knows what can happen? Tomorrow you can be the one wanting to be his girlfriend."_

"_I seriously don't see that happening. At least not in a near future."_

(…)

I had decided to walk until the building where James' apartment was. There was a lot on my mind, a million things I had to consider before I knocked on his door and spoke to him.

I mean, I knew what I wanted to tell him; but how would I tell him? How could I explain to him that I didn't want to marry him, but that didn't mean I didn't want _him_??

Worst, after what I had said in the heat of the discussion, he was very likely to not even let me in is apartment; and if Sirius was there (and he probably would), my fight would start even before I got the change to say "hi".

Once on the outside of his building, I stopped to consider if I should simply apparate to the door of his apartment, or if I should take the difficult way and ring the bell. My heart was racing, and I wasn't even there yet, facing him; the only thing I had to decide in that moment was if I should apparate or not. I wondered how worst it'd be when I had to face him.

"Standing there won't help you do whatever you came here to do." A severe voice said next to me.

I turned my head slightly, shocked that someone was there next to me and I hadn't even noticed. I was even more shocked when I saw who exactly was standing next to me: James.

I opened my mouth helplessly a number of times, thinking what would be more correct to say.

"Open your mouth and close it like a gold fish won't help you either." He said again, taking a step in the direction of his building. I quickly gained back my senses and started following him.

"You're talking to me." I affirmed, still a bit shocked. I mean, the day before he had left my apartment angrier than I had ever seen him; now, there he was, talking to me- even if in a slightly harsh voice.

"I don't see anyone else around." He said sarcastically, as he took the keys out of his pocket and started opening the door of the building the muggle way.

"That was not what I meant." I said. "I-"

"You don't mean a lot of things you say lately." He said, interrupting me. He looked at me as he pushed open the door. "But somehow you always say them."

I looked down, not knowing how to face him. "I came here to speak with you." I told him, as he supported his body on the now open door.

"Go ahead, I'm listening." He said. I almost cried in exasperation because of his attitude. It was so James-like to behave like nothing had happened.

"In a place a little more private, _please_." I said sarcastically. "I don't exactly enjoy having serious conversations in the doorsteps."

He shrugged. "If it's about the ring, I said you could owl it. No need to come here."

I took a deep breath. "I didn't even bring the ring. Can we please go up to your apartment?"

"Sirius is there."

"I don't care!" I said, exasperated.

James turned his backs on me; leaving the door open as he walked to the stairs (he had never been one to favour muggle inventions like the lift). "Don't say I didn't warn you." He said. I walked after him, preparing myself to hear Sirius yelling at me as soon as he saw me. At lest I hoped he'd only yell. You never know what Sirius can do.

James didn't say anything else as he kept walking up the stairs- faster than me, may I add, like he couldn't stand to be near me.

He opened the door in silence and let me in first, then following me. "Wait in the living room," he said, "I'm going to my bedroom but I'll be back in some minutes."

I nodded and offered him a small smile- that he did not return- as he turned for his bedroom. I decided to sit down on his black sofa I had helped buying while I waited.

A sound was heard from the door and I looked back, immediately whishing I hadn't.

"Ah, not you!" Sirius said, groaning. "C'mon, didn't I tell you not to appear here for the next fifteen centuries??"

His voice wasn't angry, but it wasn't friendlier either. It was one of pure hurt and disappointment, as well as a little resent.

"Since when do I listen to what you say?" I told him, getting up to face him.

"Don't mess with me, Evans," he said in a warning tone. "I'm not the one who's in love with you and is afraid of hurting you."

I rolled my eyes. "And I'm not one more of your puppies that'll do anything you say." I told him, mimicking him. Sirius' eyes narrowed at me as I said that, and he took a dangerous step to me.

"You better not think that I'll simply let you play with him again, Evans. Like you did at Hogwarts." He said, "Who the hell let you in?"

"James." I told him. "And, for the record, I never played him at Hogwarts. I simply wasn't interested."

Sirius took the remaining steps to where I was and grabbed my arm with such strength I had to control myself not to cry out loud. He pulled me to him and forced me to look up.

"You're playing with your luck." He said, "When you least expect, James won't be there to defend you anymore, and you'll be powerless."

I controlled my need to yelp. I knew how to deal with Sirius; the only way to overpower him was to play the strong role. I just couldn't understand why he was holding me with such violence. "I don't need James to stand up for me. In case you didn't notice, I went through twenty years without him, and doing just fine."

"And you will go another twenty. Better, the rest of your life. How does that sound?" he said.

For some reason, I felt a squeeze in my heart as he said that; had James become so vital to my life I couldn't even imagine the rest of it without him?

The hurt in my heart made my arm ache even more painfully. Finally, it was too much for me. "You're hurting my arm." I hissed through clenched teeth.

"Really?" he asked sarcastically. Then his eyes became serious again. "Just a proof that I'm not kidding here. You're my friend, Lily, and I really like you. But he's my best friend, a brother to me; I'll do anything to see him happy."

My eyes started filling with tears as he finally let go of my arm, the place he was grabbing some seconds before incredibly red. That'd leave a mark.

"Are you done now?"

Both Sirius and I turned to the living room's door to see James there, leaning on the frame like he had done when he first found me and looking at us with an indifferent look. Had he seen what Sirius had done and just watched? Was he that mad at me that he thought I deserved being hurt by his best friend?

"Yes, we are. And you two should be too," Sirius said, looking at James and if he didn't care he had watched that scene. "She's no good for you. Or for anyone."

"Don't worry, it won't last long. I'm sure Ms. Evans won't be long in what she has to say." James said, looking at me.

"I can't believe you just did that." I finally said, forgetting Sirius was in the room. "You'd really let him hurt me?" I asked, taking two steps to him.

James sighed and looked at the third guy. "Would you mind leaving, Padfoot?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow at him, but nodded curtly, walking to the door and tapping James on the back. "If you need me, I'll be in my room."

James nodded and waited until Sirius was gone to close the door and take a step forward in my direction.

"Let me see that." He said, pointing with his hand to my arm. I extended it to him. "It's nothing," he said after a while, "It'll go away and it won't leave a mark."

I made him look me in the eyes. "That doesn't exactly answer my question." I said. "Would you let him hurt me and do nothing?" I asked again.

"You know I wouldn't." he told me, and I could see the cool façade wearing off. "You know I couldn't. Unlike you, I do love you."

I sighed, it was now or never. "I didn't mean what I said last night, you know that I love you too."

"But you won't marry me." He finished, walking around me to the sofa, where he sat.

"I won't marry. That's it. I don't want to get married."

"I don't want to marry you either." He said suddenly.

I looked at him with wide eyes. "Why don't you want to marry me?" I asked.

"You don't want to marry me either!" he accused, looking at me with a perplex face.

"Yeah, but I never did! Just yesterday you wanted to! So, something must have made you change your mind!"

He stood up quickly, making me stumble back because I was standing too close to where he was sitting. "Maybe it was the fact that you don't want to marry me, or the fact that you said I was simply a toy to you!" he said. I opened my mouth to contradict him, but he spoke again. "Or maybe it was the fact that you didn't even admit to your family that you were dating me and I feel I wasted six months!"

"I'm sorry James! I'm sorry!" I told him, "But why in heavens do you want to get married?? Everything was fine just as it was! We were happy!"

"Lily, look around you!" he said, walking to the window and looking outside, "We're not kids anymore!"

"James, you're barely twenty." I told him, trying to remain calm. "Why rush into things?"

"You really have no perception of what's going on around you." He said, "Especially you. You're a muggle born. You should know we don't have all that time."

I sighed and looked down. Of course I knew what was happening around us. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was becoming more powerful everyday; people of muggle heritage were disappearing, being found dead with their families.

However, I didn't want to think about that. I was trying to live my life without the worry of being found dead; I didn't want to rush into something that'd make me unhappy, and, when my time finally came, being killed without having lived my life to the fullest.

"That has nothing to do with this." I told him.

"It has everything to do with this." He corrected me. "I want to make you mine-"

"I'm already yours." I interrupted.

He turned to look at me. "I want to make you _completely_ mine." He said. "And, if you can't give me that, I don't want anything else from you."

I stared at him speechless, my mouth opened and trying to formulate an answer.

"So…" I said after some seconds. "It's marrying or forgetting?"

"Basically, yes." He said.

I shook my head, and a smile of incredulity appeared in my mouth. That couldn't be happening. "You don't mean that," I told him, walking to him. "You wouldn't be able to live without me-"

"Are you-"

"-Just like I can't live without you." I finished, ignoring whatever he was going to say.

"Bullshit, Lily. If that was true, you'd simply marry me." He said.

"I'll prove it to you." I said, smirking and raising my hands to his shirt.

He shook his head as he took my hands away from him. "That's not the way, Lily. Having sex won't change things."

"It will." I said. "It'll show you how much you need me. How much _I_ need you."

By now, I was almost pleading. I couldn't and wouldn't lose him.

He laughed. "Funny," he said, "It's interesting how things change. Six months ago I was the one trying to win you over through sex. Maybe that was what went wrong; I invested too much in what means less."

I sighed. "Don't be stupid. If I'm with you, it's not only for the sex."

"This talk is useless right now," he said. "I already told you what I wanted to. You have until next week to decide. Then, I'm moving on."

"James…" I said, moving my hands up to his face.

He walked away. "No, I'm serious now Lily. You can find your way out, right?" he said, and didn't even say goodbye as he walked out of the living room.

I stood there, static, for some minutes, trying to understand what had happened. He was blackmailing me into marrying him!

With a huff, I left the living room and walked to the door. Sirius was there, probably waiting for me, in hopes of adding something more to his speech.

"You know, Lils, I've always liked the idea of seeing you with James." He said, drinking from the glass he had on his hand and that wasn't surely water. That explains why he used so much strength when he grabbed my arm, I thought. "He's giving you a second chance, so don't screw it like you always do." He smiled. "Sorry about the howler. I was really pissed." He said, turning his backs and walking to his room.

"As much as you are now?" I screamed after him.

He stopped and turned. "Aye," he said, "And guess whose fault is it?"

I rolled my eyes and opened the door, not saying anything else and slamming the door on my way out.

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**Author's note****: one more chapter finished!**

**Thank you for the marvellous reviews last chapter!**

**Love,**

**Hannah**

**Ps: for those who haven't noticed, I'll be updating every Saturday.**


	5. Destiny

_He grabbed my body__ with his hands as if his life depended of it. I smirked to myself as I kissed him harder than I would any other time; it was feeling good, and we both knew it._

"_So, this is your apartment?" he asked me as I savoured his neck and tried to pull his shirt off._

_I chuckled as I finally succeeded in letting him shirtless. "Do you want me to show you around?"_

"_If it includes your bedroom somewhere, then yeah, I want you to."_

_I pushed him a little so I could see his face. He was smirking like I thought he was. I smirked as well. "It could be arranged. But, I'll have you know that-"_

_He cut my speech with his lips, kissing me fervently yet again. His tongue entered my mouth, possessive, leaving no space for doubts on who was in charge._

"_You talk too much, woman." He said when he let go, kissing my neck and making me walk back until I hit a wall. He pressed his body to mine, fumbling with my shirt until he decided he could not wait and tore it, throwing it to the floor._

"_Hey, I liked that shirt!" I said, but my voice was weak, not really sounding like a protest._

"_I like you much better without it." He said, his hands caressing my breast, his mouth searching my lips again._

_My hands roamed his back, descending slowly and memorizing every inch of his body. That was a lot more than a catch up…_

_Finally, my hands found his pants. Bringing my hands to the front, I let one slip inside them, searching for my objective…_

"_Jesus Mary!" someone shrieked, and the lights were suddenly on._

_Quickly, I took my hand away from James' pants, and we pulled away from each other._

_I looked around and found Mary looking at us with a slightly smirking face. "James, did I ever mention I had a roommate?" I asked him, blushing._

_Instead of feeling embarrassed, he laughed. "No, I think you overlooked that part."_

"_Hi, James. It's nice seeing you." Mary said, looking at his now exposed chest. "Literally…"_

"_Mary! That's my property!" I said, trying to hide him with my body._

"_Lily, I already knew you had great bobs. No need to walk around the house with only your bra." She continued._

_I chuckled slightly at that. Mary was the only person I knew that could find me in one of those situations and actually joke about it._

"_We're going to my room now." I told her, picking my fallen- and ripped- shirt from the floor, and grabbing James' hand._

"_Yeah, yeah. Make sure you're not too noisy. Some people actually want to sleep."_

_I chuckled as I pushed James into my room and followed him in, closing the door._

"_Your property?" he asked me with a raised eyebrow._

"_Yeah. At least for tonight." I told him, as I pulled him by his neck and kissed him again. "You don't mind, do you?"_

"_I think I can cope with that__."_

(…)

The sun hit me hard that morning, as I had forgotten to close the curtains the night before.

After I had left James' apartment, I hadn't gone back home immediately, instead walking a little and pondering about what my next move would be. I mean, it was a life changing decision; I had to think really well in what I wanted to do.

When I came back home, Mary had let me a note saying she was going to the movies with a new guy she had met, and promised she'd be home soon so I could tell her what had happened.

However, I decided not to wait for her, and fell into a deep sleep almost at the same time I hit the bed.

Stretching, I opened my eyes and sat up, looking around me. The first thing my eyes stopped at was the picture that was on my bedside table. It was from Alice's wedding. It had Alice and Frank, me, Mary, Dorcas, Emmeline, Gideon, Remus, Sirius and James.

I sighed, hating my life at that moment. Why did he have to propose? We were doing so well…

Standing up, I walked to the bathroom ready to have a long bath. Then, I'd owl Alice to know how things were, talk to Mary about my disgraceful evening and, at last, go to work. Yeah, I still had to work to top it all…

"Morning Lily." Mary said as I entered the kitchen, "I made coffee. Thought you'd need it."

I sighed. "Thanks." I said, picking up a cup and filling it with the dark liquid. "I couldn't be more in need."

She walked to me and gave a gentle squeeze on my shoulder, and then sat next to me. "How did it go with James?"

"What part do you want me to tell you?" I asked as I tried to look unconcerned. "The part when Sirius was drunk and threatened me, or the part James said that, if I didn't accept to marry him, I could very well forget he existed?"

She stared at me in confusion, probably trying to decide which to question first. "What?" she said at last, "Sirius threatened you?"

I nodded. "Aye. And he also said he was sorry for the howler."

"He was drunk?" she questioned again. "That's so weird. Sirius never drinks too much."

"He told me it was my fault. The stupid bastard."

"I'm sorry about it, Lils. Moving on, you said James…?"

"He's blackmailing me into marrying him." I told her. "It's either I say "yes" or I can very well go on with my life as if Alice's wedding had never happened."

"Wow." She said, her eyes widening in surprise. "That's… unexpected. I mean, it's James for God's sakes. I never thought-"

"Yeah, my neither." I said, cutting her speech.

We were in silence as I reached for the toasts Mary had done.

"What are you going to do, then? Accept to marry him?" she asked me suddenly. "I mean… It's James. It can't be a Lily without a James."

I never answered her, leaving for work with that sentence in my head. "It can't be a Lily without a James". Yeah, that made my decisions a lot easier.

(…)

"Lily, it's lunch time. Want to join me?" Emma said as she stopped in front of my desk later that day.

I sighed. How could I think about lunch when I hadn't even started thinking about what I was suppose to be writing for the following day newspaper? All my mind seemed to be able to remember was the fact that I was probably going to be forced to marry someone. Even if that "someone" was the guy I loved.

"Sorry, Emma, I can't. I haven't even started writing the thing about that Bomcor-Fescha marriage."

Yeah, did I ever mention I worked in the marriages' section? Ironic, isn't it?

"And you say there's nothing wrong. You're stressed Lily, I can tell. And it's not because of your work here."

I sighed. "It's nothing Em, don't worry." I said, smiling at her. "Just some… girl's problems."

She raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Yes, I'm sure." I told her.

"Okay, Lils. You're the boss. Speaking of which, Morris's in a good mood today, ask him to leave earlier, he might let you."

"You know what? I'll be doing just that."

Emma seemed happy with my answer, as she waved goodbye, smiled and left for her lunch break. Quickly, I finished the Bomcor-Fescha paper and walked to Morris' office, knocking on the door.

"Come on in!"

I entered. Robert Morris was an almost sixty years old man, bald, with a prominent tummy and an awful mood. He was always shouting for absolutely no reason, unless he had been with his grandchildren the day before. If that was the case, he seemed like an angel.

"Lily! C'mon in! How are we on the Bomcor-Fescha marriage?" he asked me with a large grin as he pointed the chair opposite him.

"Great, great." I said, smiling as well. "So, how are the grandchildren?"

He beamed at me. "They're great! It seems they get bigger everyday!"

I kept smiling, but then sighed. "Something's wrong with you, Lily? You seem tired."

"Oh, you know how stressing writing about marriages can be, Mr. Morris." I told him, making me best tired eyes. "Especially when you're not married."

I felt a pang in my heart as I said that. Okay, I was being a hypocrite to get out of work earlier- I lot earlier might I add- but still…

"I understand what you mean perfectly, dear. Let's do it this way: leave the paper on the marriage you were working here and then you can leave, go have some fun."

I contained myself not to look so please with myself. "Thank you, Mr. Morris."

He smiled, and I, after leaving the damn thing about that wedding on his desk, left the building where the Daily Prophet was and entered the muggle world.

I walked for a while, not knowing exactly what to do. I had no place I needed to go, and there was only a place I really wanted to. And, unfortunately for me, that place was James' apartment.

Sighing, I kept walking. It was going to be a long week.

(…)

Everyday that went after that one was one more sacrifice for me. I was tired, and snapped at anyone who pushed my buttons a little too far.

But it wasn't my fault. Everyday I counted the days to the end of the time James had given me to decide about our future, and every night I came to the conclusion I had no idea of what to do. I loved James and my liberty far too much; choosing between one and the other was harder than anyone could ever understand.

"Lily, I've decided something." Mary told me as I arrived from work five days after James' ultimate. "It'll only do you good and you're forbidden to say no."

"Lily! Finally you arrived!" Alice said as she came out of Mary's bedroom.

My eyes widened in confusion. "Hey! What are you doing here?" I asked as I smiled as hugged her.

"I needed something to cheer me up about my own problems, and then Mary owled me and… here I am!" she answered cheerfully.

I turned to Mary with a raised eyebrow. "What are you planning, Mary MacDonald?" I asked.

She grinned. "We're going… to a wizard pub!"

"A pub?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, a pub! Its brilliant, Lily! Frank will be there." Alice said matter-of-factly. "I'm just here to enjoy your company. Emmeline and Dorcas will meet us there as well."

"Not going." I said, determined. "I'm not in the mood, really. Besides, if Frank is going, James will probably be there too."

"No, I made Frank promise he wouldn't take his friends." Alice said.

"Don't worry. James won't be there; you have to take him off your head at least for today." Mary said, smiling. "Will you come?"

Somehow, she and Alice managed to convince me to go and, three hours later we left our apartment and apparated to said pub.

When Mary first told me about the place, I thought it'd be some dark corner with a bunch of desperate guys; but I had to give it to her, for once she had gotten it right.

The pub was in Diagon Alley, a little away from everything else but not much. It had a nice aspect over it, not exactly dark, just clear enough to see who was inside. The music was perfect to dance, and the bartenders were… hot.

"Mary, I could kiss you right now." I told her as we found a table and sat down.

She laughed. "You're welcome, Lily!"

"Can you see Emmeline or Dorcas?" Alice asked as she looked around.

I looked at the door and saw them entering, so I waved and they looked at us. "They're coming our way."

"Hey!" Dorcas said smilingly as she sat next to us. "Nice seeing such pretty young ladies around here."

Emmeline laughed. "That's her attempt of flirting."

All of us laughed. "Sorry, hun, but that's not the way you'll get a man." Alice told her.

Dorcas grinned. "Oh, but I already have one in mind." She said.

"Really?" I asked curiously. "Who'd say? Little Dorcas is getting nasty."

She laughed. "I hinted to a friend of his that'd I'd be here tonight and would like to see him."

"Who is he?" Mary asked. "Do we know him?"

"Yeah, of course you do." She said, "It's-"

But Dorcas never got to finish her sentence as at that precise moment Frank arrived, loud as always. We laughed as he pretended to flirt with Alice and finally sat down next to us.

But that wasn't what shut me up; it was more the fact that, only a minute or so after he arrived, I saw Sirius in the middle of the dancing crowd. And, where Sirius was, James was too.

"Mary," I whispered. "Mary, he's here. You promised he wouldn't be here." I told her frenetically.

She looked at me alarmed. "I didn't know Lily! He wasn't supposed to be here!"

Alice must have seen it too, as she and Frank looked at me worriedly. "Lils?" Frank asked, "I swear I didn't say anything."

"Maybe I should just go home." I said. "I mean…"

"Did I hear well? Lily wants to go home already?" Emmeline asked me, grinning. "No freaking way! You're staying, babe."

I tried to smile at her. "Okay." I said, "Okay." I repeated to myself. Not much I could do, was it?

"Here he comes." Dorcas said anxiously as she tried to check on her little mirror if she looked nice.

"Who?" Mary asked.

"The guy I'm interested in!" she said as if it as obvious. With her eyes, she pointed to four guys coming our way. And then I understood how James knew we would be there.

"You like James?" I asked, almost shrieking.

She looked at me weirdly. "First, what's with the voice? Second, are you crazy? James? I'm interested in the sexy one! Remus!"

I raised an eyebrow. Remus? She was the first girl I knew who'd prefer Remus over Sirius as the sexy marauder. Well, at least it's not James, I thought as I sighed in relief, even if only for some seconds because, next thing I knew, the four were next to us.

"G'night everyone." Sirius said cheerfully, stopping to gaze at me for a while longer with those accusing eyes he had. I looked away.

"Hi!" Dorcas said, "I saved you a chair, Remus!"

I smiled slightly. Could she be any more obvious? I looked up to see how Remus was reacting to her boldness, but, instead, found another pair of eyes staring at me.

I took a deep breath as I stared at him, forgetting everything else that was going around us. I missed that guy; it was impossible to deny it. I couldn't stand being with him any longer.

"Guys, I'm not feeling well." I said as I stood up.

"Anything we can help with?" Remus asked, looking at me with concerned eyes.

"Not really. I haven't been sleeping much; it must be because of that. I think I'll go home. Sorry." I said.

"Lily… stay, please!" Mary pleaded. "It was supposed to be a fun night!"

"Mary, don't insist," I said, as I walked around the table. "See you all tomorrow."

"Okay. Want anyone to go with you?" Alice asked me.

"No need. Bye."

"Bye." I heard them saying as I walked the fastest I could to the door. It had begun as a fun night, and, suddenly, it was ruined. All because I had been in the same place as James for one minute!

"You didn't need to go home just because I was there." Someone said behind me as I exited the pub.

Of course he'd come after me, I thought, it was James we were talking about.

"Who said it was because of you?" I asked, trying to keep the conversation light. "A little too presumptuous, aren't we?"

"So you're really not feeling okay?" he asked me, "Lack of sleep has never stopped you before."

I shook my head and looked down. That guy was too smart for me. "What do you want?"

"It's been five days." He said. "I want an answer."

"A week has seven days. I still have two to spend." I answered him, smirking.

"I hate it when you walk around the subject," he said, talking a step to me. "It's not that difficult, Lily. It's a yes or a no."

The smirk disappeared of my face. "I don't know, alright. I don't know."

"But it's time for you to start knowing!" James said, taking my hands. "It's not so difficult, Lily. That ring you have, represents my love for you; you saying yes would only prove you love me back as much. I want to start a new life with you."

I sighed, looking down at our hands. "Why start a new life when the one we have is so great? I don't want to get married already, James. I'm too young. I have life ahead of me."

"You'll still have life ahead of you if we get married." He said. "Please, Lily. Please."

I looked up at his eyes, and couldn't help the lost feeling in the pit of my stomach. Letting go of one of his hands, I took it to his neck and pulled his face down, until our lips met. I had missed his kiss so much; I had missed _him_ so much.

I felt the known feeling of being squeezed and, next thing I knew, we had apparated to outside his apartment. He opened the door with his wand and we got in; as soon as the door was closed, my lips were on his again, and the walk until his room was made almost blindly.

We made love like we had never done before; it was not wild, like any other time. It was passionate, needing, caring… as if he knew what I was going to say next; what my answer would be.

When we were both out of strengths, I stood there, in his arms, breathing deeply and tracing his chest with my fingers.

"Lily…" he whispered.

I loved him too much to ruin whatever we had; and I knew that, if I married him against my will, that was exactly what I'd be doing.

"You can't wait to build your future." I told him. "And I can't blame you for the rest of my life."

We were in silence, as I looked up at his eyes. He understood what I said.

"I'll leave tomorrow morning." I said, feeling tears forming in my eyes.

"Keep the ring." Was the only thing he said, before he pulled my chin up to him again and kissed me again.

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**Author's note: I've come to the conclusion that I'm becoming too cliché. It just comes out, I can't avoid it. Oh, well.**

**Anyway, thanks everyone who reviewed! I loved reading your reviews!**

**See you next Saturday! (okay, I admit, it's almost one in the morning so, technically, it's Sunday. Will you forgive me?)**

**Hannah**


	6. New life

"_He was that good?"_

"_You have no idea."_

"_Can I have him when you get tired of him then?"_

_I laughed at Mary. "Who says I'll ever get tired of him?" I asked her._

_She sighed. "Oh well, it was worth a try."_

_Once again I laughed as I stood up from the couch I was sitting on, walking to the kitchen while reminding the night before. Actually, morning, since that was the time he left._

"_I know that face, Evans," Mary said, entering the kitchen and sitting on the counter, looking at me. "That the 'something's wrong in this picture' face."_

_I sighed, but didn't answer, pretending I was busy deciding what to eat from the fridge._

"_Want to share what's bugging you?" she asked again._

_Closing the fridge, I turned to her. "We had sex last night." I stated._

_She smirked. "Yes, and?"_

_I huffed. "Exactly; that's my point. I don't know what comes after the 'and'. What am I for him after all? A one night stand? A girl to fuck when he's felling lonely?"_

_She stared at me for a while without saying anything. "It's James Potter we're talking about, Lily." She said._

"_What's that supposed to mean?"_

"_He's liked you since Hogwarts. And it's been almost three years." She concluded._

"_Yes, and when we were at Hogwarts I always said no to him." I answered her. "What if he's just trying to… live some fantasy he had with me back at school, and then dump me? Wait, you can't dump someone you only had sex with, can you? I mean-"_

"_Lily-Lily! Calm down." Mary said, jumping off the counter and putting one hand on my shoulder. "First, you must know what you want with him. Then, search for him, talk to him. Figure things out."_

_I sighed and walked to a chair. "What I want with him?" I asked. She nodded. "I don't know. I mean, there's this thing I always feel when I kiss him; it's just… amazing. Maybe it's just because he's a good kisser but… I mean, when he was inside me, it was like I was in a total different world, like we were getting connected in many more ways than the physical."_

_She smiled. "See? That has to mean something. Why don't you write to him, ask him to see him again or __something?"_

_I shook my head. "No, I wouldn't have the guts to do that. And what if he says no?"_

_Mary laughed. "Honey, if the sex is as good as you're saying it is, he's definitely not saying no."_

_I opened my mouth to say something but, at that same second the bell rang. I looked at Mary and we had a non spoken discussion about who'd get it. Finally, she sighed. "Alright, I'll get that." She said at last, and I smirked as I turned again to the fridge._

_I heard the door opening and a male voice speaking but I couldn't catch what he had said._

"_Lily! It's for you!"_

"_Show him to the kitchen!" I yelled back at her, deciding to make a sandwich. _

_However, w__hen I turned around, I was faced with a black haired and dark eyed man. The last person I expected to see. "Hello there, Evans." He said._

_I smiled, confused about what he was doing there. "Black?"_

"_The one and only."_

(…)

The days after I broke up with James went painfully slowly. Everyday seemed to be a new challenge to see how long I could actually stay without him.

At last Saturday arrived; the Saturday that marked almost two weeks without James. I had been longing for the weekend so I could do something to take him out of my mind. Or at least I longed for Saturday night; during the day I had that bloody wedding to attend- the one I had to public in Monday's paper.

The girls and I had decided to go on a girls' night; actually, they had decided and I was had been forced to go as well. I remembered the last time we had gone out all too well not to compare- I had ended up finding James.

"What are you saying? Jones is hotter than Karperon?"

"I'm not saying he's hotter! I'm saying he's prettier."

"I agree with Alice. No one beats Karperon on the body subject. Have you taken a look at that abs?"

We laughed at that. The three of us- Mary, Alice and I- were having dinner at a nice restaurant near the centre of the city. When they said "girl's night" I had imagined a disco with loads of people; but no, they surprised me by bringing me to a calm restaurant.

"Imagine if Frank heard her saying that," I told her, "He'd have a heart attack thinking the fantasies he performed were actually meant for other guys."

Mary laughed and Alice punched my shoulder playfully. "You're so mean, Lily. I have no fantasies with any other guy that's not Frank."

"Sure, sure." Mary said, "We believe you, don't worry."

"Speaking of which," I asked, changing the tone to one more serious. "I never asked you how things went last week…"

She understood what I was talking about immediately. "How things went with what?" Mary asked, confused. "No one told me anything."

"Last week, I had a row with Frank," Alice explained, "because he wanted to make me go see a healer."

"A healer? Were you sick?" Mary asked. Alice looked at me, before looking back at Mary.

"No. He thought I couldn't get pregnant." She said.

Mary looked at her with widened eyes; then, she whistled quietly. "Wow. What did you do?"

She shrugged. "We made up and we went to see a healer together." She said.

"And…?" I asked curiously, "Did they find out anything."

Alice grinned. "Yes, they did."

Her attitude confused me. "And you're happy about what they found out because…?" Mary asked.

She shook her head. "Can't tell you yet. We're having some friends' over Tuesday, you're invited. Frank and I have important news to tell you."

I raised an eyebrow. "Could it be that y-"

"No, no, Lily," Alice said, interrupting me. "It's not worth guessing. You'll have to wait until Tuesdays and then I'll tell you."

Mary sighed. "Alright, what can we do unless wait?" she asked, shrugging. "I only hope it's something big. I had a date on Tuesday."

I laughed. "Mary, its Thursday you have that date." I informed her. "You put a note on the fridge, remember?"

She covered her face with her hands before chuckling. "You're right, Lils. I'm, so bloody stupid."

Alice and I laughed. "And that's why we like you. You make us feel smart." Alice said.

Mary stuck her tongue at us, but ended up laughing as well.

"Anyway, who's going to be there?"

Alice looked at me with understanding eyes. "You want to know if James will be there, don't you?" she asked me.

I looked at the table as I answered her. "No. I just want to know who'll be there."

"Yes, he'll be there. If you really don't want to see him you don't have to come," she said, ignoring what I had just told her "I'll just make a dinner to Frank's friends and then one to my own."

I looked at her and smiled. "Nonsense, Ally. Of course I'll go. Don't worry, I am perfectly capable of being in the same room as James. We broke up, that's it. I'm over it."

"Lily… you don't have to lie to us." Mary said, "You are so not over it."

"Mary, I know myself. If I say I'm over it, it's because I'm over it, okay?"

She nodded. "Whatever you say."

"Anyway," Alice said, smiling again, "I wanted to go shopping next week. You'll come with me, right? I already spoke to Em and Dorcas. What do you say?"

Mary and I nodded at the same time. "Of course we'll go!" she said, "When have we said no to a day out shopping?"

Alice laughed. "Great."

It was bound to be an adventurous week.

(…)

The following day, a Sunday, rose very strange to me. As soon as I stood up, an incredible sickness took over me, and I had to run for the bathroom, ready to throw up everything I had inside me.

"Lils?" I heard Mary's voice asking from outside the door. "Are you alright?"

"Yes!" I said, finally being able to sit. "I drank too much last night."

I heard her laughing. "I told you not to drink so much. But you didn't listen to me, and this happened. C'mon, I'll make you a tea."

Opening the bathroom door, I walked behind her until the kitchen, thinking all the way I'd never ever drink so much again.

During that day, Sunday, I almost never stepped out of bed. It seemed that the hangover was much more powerful than I first thought. I kept feeling dizzy, and weird.

Monday was all the same; I woke up sick, and work was the last thing on my mind. However, I couldn't miss it.

"You really shouldn't go, Lily." Mary told me, "I think you're getting a cold."

I nodded. "I am of the same opinion." I told her, "It's October, after all. I always get sick during October."

She nodded. "I know. Just call saying you're sick; I'm sure your boss wouldn't mind."

I snorted. "Wouldn't mind." I repeated sarcastically, "He was already pissed that I missed yesterday, and delayed the paper on the Verde-Azul wedding. I have to do it today or I'll probably be kicked out."

Mary sighed. "Okay, then. But if you feel anything, come immediately home, alright?"

I nodded. "Don't worry."

It turned out she did have to worry.

During Monday, while working, I had gone to the bathroom at least seven times, none of them because of having the need to use the bathroom. Emma was my saviour and got me some kind of potion she always carried around and did miracles for colds. At least it took away my dizziness.

And then, before I had time to notice it, Tuesday had arrived.

Alice had asked us to be at her place by seven, although dinner only started at seven thirty. Mary and I wanted to help her preparing everything, as well as Emmeline and Dorcas.

I got out of work at the same time I always did, at six, and went home immediately, not even stopping to take a coffee like I usually did.

Mary arrived a few minutes after me, while I was in the shower, and she started screaming at me to hurry up, even if we still had an hour to get ready.

I knew I was going to meet James at Alice's house; he was one of Frank's friends, of course he'd be there, as well as Sirius, Remus and Peter. Molly and Arthur were bound to be there as well, and so would Gideon and Fabian, Molly's brothers. Frank's mother was a sure- the old creepy lady had a way to always be in those kind of dinners- and maybe Moody, who was Frank's boss and who he seemed to give along with for God knows what reasons.

The hardest part was to decide what to wear. I'd be the first time I would be seeing James since we had broken up; I had to look my best.

I ended up deciding to wear a simple black dress that ended up a little above my knee and that I knew always turned him on. What??? I wanted to show him what he had lost!

When I had it on, I found out it was a little tight. It was strange, because I hadn't even noticed I had gained weight. Deciding not to think about it, I picked up my wand and made the dress a little bigger. I put on some black heels and looked again to the mirror. Perfect, I thought, smiling as I exited my room to meet Mary in the living room.

"Mary! I'm ready!" I screamed when I saw she wasn't in the living room yet.

"I'm here, I'm here!" She said, arriving behind me with a big smile. "Let's go?"

I nodded and, together, we exited the apartment and apparated to Alice's place.

(…)

"Where do you want me to put this?" I asked Alice as I held up a salad.

"Over there, Lils." She said. "You don't know how much I appreciate your help." She said.

"You know we like to be useful." Emmeline said.

"Besides, we're hoping you'll tell us what this is all about earlier." Dorcas added.

I laughed as we heard the bell ringing. "I'll go there." Frank said, moving out of the dinning room to answer the door.

I felt my heart somewhere in my chest beating quickly. James could be the one arriving…

"Hello Alice!" Molly said, entering the dinning room, "You look great. Hi girls."

"Hi Molly." We said. I sighed; it wasn't James.

Alice hugged her. "Thanks for coming. Where are your five little angels?" she asked, referring to the five boys she had, two of them twins.

"Angels? You must be talking about Percy." Molly answered, laughing. "No, today I only bring this one," She said, pointing to her belly, which was a little prominent by now. "That, hopefully, will be a girl."

I smiled at that. Everyone knew the thing Molly and Arthur most wanted was a little girl.

"I left the others with a friend." Molly concluded.

"You could have brought them. I love your kids. Anyway, let's go to the living room, we're done here." Alice said, one hand over Molly's shoulders.

We followed her to the living room, talking among ourselves about Molly's belly and the new kid that was going to arrive to the Weasley family.

Most of the people had already arrived. Arthur, Gideon, Fabian, Mrs. Augusta Longbottom, Remus, Peter, and some other of Alice's and Frank's friends were already there, talking cheerfully.

Mary and I decided to go for the drinks in Frank's mini-bar while we watched everyone else. "Lily, don't look now, but James and Sirius arrived." Mary told her, as I had my backs to the door.

As always when she said that, I looked. He and Sirius were there, talking to Frank.

"I told you not to look." Mary said. "You never listen."

I didn't answer her, because in that same moment James looked in my direction and our gazes locked. I smiled at him and he smiled back, then turning his back on me and going on the opposite direction.

"Well, at least he smiled at you." Mary said. "He isn't one to hold grudges against the girl who dumped him."

I looked at her and gave her a cold stare. She rolled her eyes. "I was just pointing out the fact."

"Oh, shut up Mary." I told her as I walked through the sea of people with a glass of some unknown drink Frank had.

"Lily!" someone called me. I turned to see Remus. I smiled at him.

"Hey!" I told him, walking to where he was and hugging him. "I haven't seen you in a while."

"I should be the one saying that." He told me, "Since… you know what, you simply disappeared."

I shrugged. "Things change." I told him, "Hey Pete." I said, giving him a hug too.

"Hello, Lily. How are you?"

I smiled. "Great. And you?"

"Great too." He answered, smiling as well.

"Anyway Lils, I was thinking we could go out one of this days, to catch up. I've wanted to talk to you for some time now." Remus said.

I knew exactly what he wanted to talked to me about. "If you want to tell me I did the wrong thing, then it's useless. That's past now."

He smiled. "I just want to talk to you, no subject in concrete."

I relaxed, and I was going to say something more when Mary appeared smilingly. "Alice says it's dinner time. Thank God, I'm dying to know what she has to tell us."

We nodded and followed her into the dinning room, where we all sat up. Thankfully, I didn't end up close to James, and was comfortingly sitting between Dorcas and Mary and opposite Frank's mother.

Dinner went slowly and nicely. Here and then I'd take a look at James- it was impossible not to- but I never caught his gaze. He was always talking with one of the guys, and seemed normal to me. Maybe the fact that we had broken up hadn't affected him as much as it had affected me…

After we ate dessert, the table went quiet. Everyone knew there was a reason for that dinner to be happening, and everyone was anxious to hear the big news. I already had an idea of what it was, but was dying to hear it from Alice's mouth.

At last, Alice and Frank stood up. She smiled. "Well, thanks everyone for coming." Frank started. "As you know, Alice and I have a very important thing to tell, and we wanted everyone that means something to us here when we let you all know."

"Cut the crap, Frank!" Sirius said happily, "What is it?"

Everyone chuckled, even Alice and Frank. "What we wanted to tell you lot is that… we're going to have a child." She said, smiling.

"Alice's pregnant!" Frank said.

"A baby!" Mary, the first to stand up and hug Alice, shrieked. Next thing we knew, everyone else had stood up and was hugging her.

"Congratulations, you deserve it." I said. "I'm really happy for you."

She smiled. "Thanks, Lils. But you already knew, didn't you?"

I laughed. "Let's say it wasn't a complete surprise."

Mary, Emmeline, Dorcas and I stepped aside so everyone else could congratulate Alice; the new of Alice's pregnancy seemed to have cheered up everyone. Even Augusta Longbottom, that cold woman, was smiling.

Everyone was huddling around Alice and, as the temperature rose, I felt a little dizzy. I put a hand on Mary's shoulder to support myself, seeing everything as a blur.

"Lils, are you alright?" she asked me, as I tried to smile and pretend it was nothing.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said. "I'm just need fresh air. I'm going to their garden for a while, okay?"

Mary nodded. "Okay. Maybe I should go with you."

"Nonsense, Mary. I'll be fine. I just need air."

She nodded and I looked once more to everyone else, catching James' eyes. Quickly looking away, I walked to their living room and then to the balcony, where was a stair that led to the house garden.

Taking a deep breath, I started descending the stairs, slowly. However, one more dizziness came over me and I couldn't do anything as I felt myself falling; the last thing I knew, was that I was hitting the bottom of the stairs, and everything went black.

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**Author's note: here I am again! Punctual this time, in my country it's still twenty past eleven. xD**

**Anyway, thanks everyone who reviewed! The number of alerts increased, so I'm really happy right now. : )**

**Okay, I have to go now. See you all next week!**

**Hannah**


	7. Fall

_I looked at the paper __I was holding, staring at the address written on it, and then at the building in front of me. Sirius did have a way to convince people, that I tell you._

_Walking forward, I reached the downstairs door and was lucky enough to catch someone leaving the building, so I entered quickly and made my way to the lift, pressing the button that'd take me to the third floor._

_I hummed to myself as it went up. If Sirius had been kidding me, he'd be so dead. According to him, James had spent the entire morning- or at least the time Sirius was able to hear him without having the need of fresh air- talking about our night non-stop. At first, I thought it had been kind of rude- you don't do and tell, after all- but Mary was kind enough to remind me I had been doing the same thing not too long ago._

_Anyway, after that little embarrassment, Sirius had continued telling me how happy he was that James and I had done something at last and that he was very concerned with the future of our relationship._

"Relationship?_" I had asked him, bemused. In answer, he had only grinned. Then, he told me that was exactly where he was getting at. James had seemed pretty concerned about our non-existing relationship. He- James- feared I wouldn't want anything more with him than sex. That was when Mary started laughing hysterically, saying it was very cute that we both had the same worries. In the end of our little talk, Sirius ended up scribbling his and James' address- it seemed they lived together- and convinced me to go and talk with him about what had happened. He said James was too chicken to come to me, afraid I'd say "no" like any other time back at Hogwarts._

_The lift came to a halt, and the doors opened, taking me out of my reverie. I stood there, staring at them stupidly until I remembered they would close and ran out of that metal box._

_3__rd__ C, I thought to myself as I searched for the door. I finally found it and stopped, raising my hand to knock. Unfortunately, as I started the act of knocking, the door opened, and my fist met, instead, a face._

"_Oh my God!" I said, as James took his hands to his nose where I had hit him (quite hard might I had). "I'm so sorry! Are you okay? I'm really, really sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you!"_

_James raised his hand to shut me up. "It's okay, I'm fine." He said. But he had blood on his hand._

"_You're bleeding!" I shrieked. I hated blood more than anything. And it definitely wasn't a good omen to start off with._

"_It's okay, Lily, really." He said. "You don't hit that hard." I smiled timidly, but still staring at his bleeding nose. "Come in. I'll be right back."_

_As James disappeared through a door, probably to fix his nose, I stood there, in the entrance hall, staring at the pictures he had on his wall. Most of them were of four guys I knew pretty well (everyone did, after all), and there was some with Frank and Alice, and some other people I didn't know. But what really made me stop and stare was one single picture from Hogwarts; a picture from my seventh year, with a red haired green eyed girl and a raven unruly haired guy, with framed glasses, both of them Heads._

"_So, not meaning to be rude or anything, what are you doing here?" James voice asked, making me tear my eyes away from the picture._

_I smiled. "You have a picture of me here." I said, noticing that his nose was back to normal, with no blood whatsoever. "I'm glad I didn't break you anything."_

_He laughed. "Lily, you hit like a girl.", he said, making me laugh as well. "And the picture is there because Padfoot thought it'd be nice to remember us why one should never stalk a girl."_

_I smirked. "What a pity. I thought it was there because you liked to stare at me during lonely nights."_

_James' mouth dropped in mock shock. "Ms. Evans! Hold your tongue!" he said, in a very damn good imitation of McGonagall._

_I laughed again, and, as our laughter died down, we stood there, staring at each other. __"Anyway, can we sit down or something?" I asked at last._

_He smiled. "Sure. Follow me Lady." He said, leading the way into what I supposed was the living room. It was quite a shock to enter it; he and Sirius seemed to be keen on not forgetting their house colours. The__ir living room was red and gold, like the Gryffindor common room._

"_You _really_ miss school." I told him as I looked around._

_He chuckled. "You could say that. Do you want something to drink?"_

"_No, thanks." I said, sitting down. "I just want to talk."_

"_Okay." He said, sitting down next to me. "I'm listening."_

"_So, we had an interesting night yesterday." I told him, feeling rather foolish. An _interesting night_?? For heaven's sakes, Lily!_

_James smiled. "More than interesting if you want my opinion." He said._

_I felt my cheeks growing hot. "Yeah… right… I can't say I disagree." I managed to say, not facing him. "Anyway, what I really came here to know was if… if…" I was at a loss of what to say._

"_If…?"_

"_If…" I sighed, finally looking up at him. "Maybe I do want a drink. Firewhiskey, if you have."_

_James laughed. Then, unexpectedly, he leaned closer to me and kissed me, tenderly. His lips were just like I remembered from the night before; soft, sweet, full… and he tasted like chocolate. Oh, I missed them._

"_You don't need Firewhiskey," he said, "I want to be with you Lily; and I want more than just sex; I want a relationship."_

_I smiled weakly, sighing in relief. "Thanks. I'd never be able to say it so clearly."_

_He chuckled, leaning in and kissing me again. "But I want to ask you something." I said, stopping the kiss._

"_Go ahead." He said._

"_If… if we do have a relationship, I want it to be a secret." I said. He opened his mouth to speak, but I didn't let him. "At least until I'm sure this is going to last."_

"_If I have any say in this, it will last." He said, "But a relationship in secret?__ That will never work."_

"_James, I just found you again after years without seeing you. I don't want to rush into something I'm not sure will last and then disappoint myself again." I explained. "I've had one too many heart-brokens already."_

_He nodded, touching my nose with his lightly. "Okay. Whatever you want."_

_I smiled and kissed him again._

"_By the way, you never really denied that you looked at my picture during your lonely nights." I said cheekily._

_James laughed. "You couldn't let it go, could you?"_

"_Never."_

(…)

I opened my eyes slowly, and blinked, then closing them again. After a few seconds, I opened them again, only to close them again. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes with force before opening them one last time.

No, I wasn't dreaming. I had died and gone to heaven; that was the only thing that could explain the fact that everything around me was white.

"Oh, thank Merlin, you woke up."

I looked around and found myself staring at a chubby, round faced woman, with a tight bum and an extremely straight face. No, I was not in heaven after all; it was just St. Mungos, the hospital. Of course they had brought me here after I had fallen.

I opened my mouth to ask something, but I wasn't sure of what to say. Fortunately for me, the healer started talking. "You don't need to worry; everything's okay. There was a critic time when you came in, but we managed to prevent the worst." She said.

I had been dying? Because of a fall?

"So I'm okay?" I said; but I know I wasn't. My head ached, and my arm was probably broken and fixed. Also, my belly felt weird.

"Yes, you are." Then, for the first time, she smiled. "Both of you are."

Both of you?, I thought, confused.

The healer's face went back to straight. "But you can not do what you've been doing! Drinking! Stressing yourself too much! Going to parties! You have to take care of yourself! Both of you are at risk!"

I was even more confused. What was she talking about?? Both??? What, I had double personality or something???

The healer stared at me for a while before her face softened. "Oh my," she said, sitting next to me, "You had no idea, did you?"

"I… I don't know what you're talking about." I told her.

She took my hand in hers. "Dear… you're pregnant. Two weeks pregnant."

I stared at her in confusion. "Pregnant?" I asked, almost laughing, "I can't be pregnant. I haven't been with anyone since-"

I cut my own speech. I hadn't been with anyone since James and I had broken up, two weeks ago.

"Are you sure?" I asked, now desperately. "I can't be pregnant. I mean, I just can't. I'm not ready, besides, I always use protection!!"

She sighed. "It happens dear. But you have to take care of yourself from now on. No more drinking, stressing. It's become a risked pregnancy since your fall."

I shook my head, but the healer kept talking. "Anyway, your friends are out there, waiting. I'm going to call them in, is that okay with you?"

I kept shaking my head. "I- I- No, I don't want it!" I said finally. I couldn't have a baby! It was too much and I was too young!

The healer sighed again. "Dear, don't say something as foolish. You have a life inside of you. Anyway, your friends-"

"You haven't told them, have you?" I asked, alarmed. What if James was there? He'd know the baby was his…

"No, I haven't because none of them are family." She said, "But you'll have to. It's not possible to hide a pregnancy."

An idea came to me. "But it is possible to take it, isn't it?"

Her eyes widened. "Take it? You can't take it!"

"_Is it_?" I asked again.

She sighed. "Yes, it is. But think well before anything. It's a life you want to kill."

With that, she left the room, probably to call whoever was outside. Pregnant… pregnant… no, I couldn't be pregnant. I was too young to be pregnant!

My train of thoughts was interrupted as the door of the room I was in opened and Mary, Alice and James came in. I was surprised to see him there; but, somehow, I knew he would.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Mary asked me. "You gave us quite a fright."

"I'm feeling a little dizzy, but otherwise I'm fine."

"Everyone else is outside," Alice said, as she sat where the healer had previously sat. "But the healer said she'd only let three inside."

James stood in front of my bed, saying nothing. I avoided facing him, now knowing I was carrying something that belonged to him too, and that I didn't want to be carrying at all.

"I was the one who found you," Mary kept saying. "I actually saw you falling; I followed you outside when I saw you weren't feeling okay. Jeez, Lily, I thought I had lost you back there. You were bleeding so much…"

For the first time, I noticed both Mary and Alice had tears in their eyes. I smiled at them. "Maybe next time you'll get rid of me, who knows?" I said.

"Lily, how can you say that!" Alice said, "We were really worried, you know?"

My smile faltered. "Sorry." I said.

"It's okay, we're nervous, it's just that." Mary said. "The healer wouldn't tell us what made you fall; she only said you were going to be alright."

"Did she tell you?" Alice asked.

"They don't know," I lied, "Mary knows I have been kind of sick lately; I got dizzy and… well… fell."

"Merlin," Alice said, "You have to take care of yourself, Lily. You really have."

I almost laughed; it was like she knew. "I know, Alice. I know."

After some uncomfortable seconds, I pulled my knees to my chest, hugging myself and feeling very lonely in the middle of them. I couldn't believe I was pregnant and no one knew.

"We're going outside," Mary said, "You two seem to need some time alone."

Alice smiled and kissed my cheek before Mary did the same and the two of them walked out of them room. "Take care." Alice said, before she was out of the door.

"Are you feeling alright?" James asked me as he walked around the bed until he was standing right next to me. "What Mary said about you bleeding too much was an understatement."

For some reason that made me want to laugh. I had bled, but I hadn't bled enough to lose what I had inside of me.

"I'm fine." I said, "I'm fine." I repeated, more to myself. Unconsciously, I took one of my hands to my belly, waiting to feel some kind of lump there. But no, nothing. It was just like before.

"You sure?"

I looked up at him and all I felt like was telling him I was expecting his baby, and ask him to help me. But I knew I couldn't. "Yeah, I'm as new."

"I'm glad;" he said, "You know, what happened made me rethink some things."

I looked at my white blanket again, not facing him. "Like what?"

"Like what I forced you to decide about last week." He said, "It was really foolish to try and force you to marry me."

I laughed. "And you noticed that now? Because I could die? My life was never at risk, James. _Never_."

"Even if it wasn't, just the thought of you dieing… you have no idea how it felt." He said, sitting next to me.

"So what? Now you want to get back together? After forcing me to decide over my freedom or you?" I asked, incredulously.

"Yes." He said, very bluntly. "I want to get back together."

I didn't answer him right away, pondering my next words.

"James, do you want children?" I asked at last, looking at him to see what he'd be saying.

He smiled. "Of course I do."

That answered all my questions. During those two bloody weeks all I had wanted was to get back together with him. But not now; I was pregnant. His baby; a baby he wanted and I didn't. A baby that he would never forgive me for taking.

"I can't get back together with you." I told him, "You'd never forgive me."

"I'd forgive you anything, if that means I'm getting you back."

"I was dizzy because I'm pregnant, it's yours. And I decided I'm going to abort." I told quickly, looking him the eyes.

His eyes widened in confusion, and then in understanding. After that came the horror, the fact that he couldn't believe me.

"Pregnant?" he asked me, "You're pregnant and you never told me?"

"I've just found out," I said, gesturing to the door from where the healer who had told me had gotten out. "But I'm not having it."

"You can't take it, Lily." He said, "It's my baby you have in there; _our_ baby."

"I've already decided it James," I said, "There's no turn."

He shook his head, getting up from the bed. "No. I can stop you from doing it; my name still has some power in our world; you won't do it."

I laughed. "That's absurd. It's a risk pregnancy; all I have to do is fall again."

"You're crazy." He said, "You're completely crazy."

"I'm not having it; that's it." I told him, "It's my body we're talking about; my life. I am not ruining it because of a… an adversity."

James stopped suddenly, in front of my bed like he had been when he first entered. "You do realize that, if you do that, I'll never be able to look you in the eyes again, don't you?"

I looked down this time; closing my eyes and resting my head against my knees. "I know, James. I told you when we first went out that I had been too hurt already; I can't let this continue."

He didn't say anything right away; silence reigned over us before his voice sounded again. "Please, _please_, think about what you're about to do." He said. "I have some business to take care off out of town next week, and I probably won't be back for another month. Don't do anything foolish until then, okay?"

I looked up at him and couldn't contain the tears. "Leave James. Just… leave."

He nodded and, next thing I knew, I was alone in that room again.

(…)

"Lily, the healer said you can go home, but you'll have to rest for at least a week." Mary said, later, as she entered my room after a talk with the healer in charge of me.

I almost snorted; a _week_. For that healer, I'd stay home until I had the baby.

"You're weird." Mary said as she helped me out of bed. Alice and Frank had already left, because she needed to rest, and so had everyone else who was there; Mary was the only left. "I thought you and James would come back together earlier, but he seemed angry when he left your room."

I shrugged. "Maybe we're just not meant to be." I told her.

She laughed. "Not meant to be? Are you kidding me? You're the reason I believe in love in the first place."

I smiled at her. "Yeah, but in our case, to love isn't enough."

"That was poetic."

"I know. By the way, have I mentioned I'm pregnant?"

"Pregnant? As in… a baby? Like Alice???"

"No, pregnant as in a dog. Of course it's a baby!"

"Have you told James?"

"Yes. But I'm taking it."

"Lily-"

"No. I'm taking it and that's it."

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**Author's note: okay, this is what I like to call a turning point, and I'm really happy I've finally achieved it!**

**Anyway, as always, I'm behind scheduled. Sorry! (but I guess in some countries I'm not late yet. xD)**

**Everyone guessed she was pregnant****, as it was pretty obvious. And no, she shouldn't drink being pregnant, but she didn't know. And sorry, but I can only update on Saturdays, or else I'd be always on the computer writing and never studying, which would make my grades low and my parents mad. (and you have never seen my mother mad. When I say she screams, it's because she **_**really**_** screams)**

**Well, guess that's all!**

**Thanks for the reviews!!!**

**Love,**

**Hannah**


	8. Pregnancy

"_Sorry Alice, but I really can't go."_

_Alice pouted at me and made those puppy dog eyes she knew would break me. Actually, everyone knew puppy dog eyes could break into me more than anything else. Damn me for being weak._

"_Why Lils? Please! You know Mary has no sense of fashion!"_

"_Hey!" Mary said from her place by the open door. "I resent that!"_

_Both Alice and I rolled our eyes. "Face the truth dear: you're a walking disaster when it comes to decent clothes." I said._

_Alice chuckled. "I couldn't have said it better."_

_Mary stuck her tongue out of us and started staring outside our apartment._

_At the moment, a brilliant Sunday that my boss decided I could have off, Alice was trying to convince me to go with her shopping. It had been a month and a half since James and I had started "dating". And I used the term lightly, because we weren't exactly a couple. We were just seeing each other to see where it went. And, off course, James was bloody hot._

_But Alice didn't know that; actually, from my friends, only Mary knew, and I had made her promise not to tell anyone. She only agreed to stay quiet because I threatened to put her hair on fire while she was asleep. Mary liked her hair very much._

_What Alice also didn't know, was that I already had plans with my secret "boyfriend" for that day. She had appeared at my place saying she was in urgent need of new clothes and had decided to drag me and Mary along with her; Mary had accepted right away- it was that or staying at home looking at the ceiling- but I had said no. Mary had just opened the door when Alice started begging._

"_If you prefer it that way, I won't go either." Mary said._

_I chuckled. "Would prefer to stay?" I asked her with a raised eyebrow. She turned around and looked at me._

_Finally, she admitted defeat. "Shut up, Lils."_

"_Am I missing something here?" Alice asked as she looked between me and Mary. "You two have been acting really strangely lately, you know?"_

"_Nonsense, Ally!" I said, "We always were strange. What's the new in it?"_

_Alice tried to prevent herself from smiling, but it both Mary and I could see it very plainly. "Just come, please! I'm begging, Lily! And I never beg!" She said._

"_I can't, really." I said, pretending to be sorry. I had to get her out of my place quickly. James would be arriving any minute. "I'm really sorry, but I have a lot of work to do."_

"_Lily, your boss gave you the day off. Besides, you have no wedding to write about! You're off your job most of the time!"_

"_Stop the drama, Alice. Just come!" Mary said, tired of waiting. "I promise I'll not let you buy anything I would buy."_

"_Oh, okay." Alice said, and I breathed in relief. "But if you change your mind, we'll be wandering around the usual places, alright?"_

_I was halfway through a nod when my body froze. All because of an all too known voice. "Hi, Mary. Lily's inside, right?"_

"_H-Hi!" Mary said awkwardly. "Wh-What are you doing here, James? I haven't seen you in a while!"_

_Like always, Mary really sucked when she tried to pretend. "Are you okay?" James asked her, looking at her oddly. "I was here just yesterday, remember?"_

_Carefully, and breathing slowly, I looked at Alice. She was staring at James and Mary with a confused face. Mary, on the other hand, tried to block James' way in and hide him with her body, as if hiding him would erase the fact that Alice had seen him._

"_James?" Alice asked, pulling Mary away from the entry._

_It was my turn to admit defeat as I walked to the couch and sat down, letting my head fall backwards._

"_Alice?" James said, and I bet his eyes had widened. He knew Alice didn't know; and he probably thought I'd be pissed if she discovered._

"_What are you doing here? I didn't know you and Lily- or Mary, who knows- were seeing each other!"_

"_Oh, no!" James said, giving a nervous chuckle. "We're not- we're not seeing each other!" he continued. His voice, raspy than usual, gave everything away._

_I heard Alice laugh and walk to where I was, sitting next to me. "So… is there something you forgot to mention that I should probably know? You know… anything out of ordinary?"_

_I turned to her with guilty eyes. "No?" I tried, and it sounded more like a question than exactly a confident answer._

"_Yeah… sure. Because Lily Evans dating James Potter, _the_ James Potter, is nothing out of usual, right?"_

"_Yes." I answered quickly._

"_Glad you admitted it." She said, satisfied._

_I groaned. "Damn it." I said._

_She laughed again. "Oh well, it's not like I'm surprised. I mean, I am surprised to see you two have worked it out, but I'm not surprised to see you are together."_

"_Yeah, because that's a very clear definition of how you feel about this." Mary said, and I could bet she was smirking._

"_Jeez, look at the time!" I said, looking at a non-existing clock on my wrist. "Aren't you late, Alice?" I asked, giving her a hint to leave._

_Alice chuckled as she grabbed her purse and kissed my forehead. "Couldn't be move obvious if you had asked me to leave." She said, kissing James cheek. "See you later when I bring her back," she said, pointing to Mary. "We have a lot to talk about."_

_I smiled. "Later, Alice. Have fun."_

_She and Mary waved goodbye and then left, closing the door softly._

_James walked to me with a very blank face and dropped beside me. "That was awkward." He said._

_For some reason, that made me chuckle. "Yeah, it was."_

"_Lily, don't you think it's time to make our relationship official?" he asked me out of nowhere._

_I looked at him and shook my head, "No, I don't."_

_He groaned. "Why not? We're going out at almost a month now, and not even Alice knew. One of your best friends. I don't get why you're so insecure."_

_I rolled my eyes and pecked his lips. "James, we're fine just as we are. Don't mess it."_

_He sighed, but I knew he had quit to fight about that. One thing good about James was that he always did what I wanted._

_Then, out of the blue, he grabbed me and pulled me to him. I smirked as he kissed me furiously; it was his own way to tell me something I'd said had displeased him._

_I didn't mind at all, in case he hadn't noticed. Sitting on his lap, I kept kissing him with a small smile on my lips._

_I felt him standing up, and carrying me to my bedroom. I helped him opening the door, and then he closed it with his foot. We fell to my bed, and I kissed his neck while undoing his shirt. And then I stopped. Unlike any other time when I said something he didn't like, James was not in the same level I was. He wasn't corresponding to my caresses like he used to. Something was wrong._

_Pushing him away, I sat up in bed. He didn't say anything, but he knew I had noticed the change._

"_I don't know why you came here if you're in a bad mood." I told him. "You could've sent me an owl and I'd be shopping with Alice and Mary right now."_

_He sighed and shook his head. "I'm not in a bad mood, it has nothing to do with that."_

"_Than what's the problem for heaven's sakes?" I asked, calmly._

"_Don't you ever get tired?" he asked, looking at the floor and not at me._

_I raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Tired of what?"_

"_We never talk. We never simply talk." He answered._

_I laughed. "Something's not right in this picture," I told him, "You're a guy. Guy's don't talk."_

_He laughed too, but there was no mirth in it. "I guess I'm not an ordinary guy, then."_

"_James, why talk when where we work better is in bed?" I asked as I looked sideways at him._

"_Yeah, well, and although I agree with you and like very much what we do in it, this isn't the kind of relationship a guy wants with the girl he loves."_

_My eyes widened and even my mind stopped. _What?

"_Come again?" I asked._

"_This isn't the kind of relationship I want with you." He said._

"_Yeah, that wasn't exactly what I didn't understand. It was the 'l' word that confused me. Could you… uh… say that again?" I explained._

_He chuckled. "What? That I love you?" he asked._

"_Yeah, that's the one." I said. "You really shouldn't use the word lightly, you know. It-"_

"_I'm not using it lightly." He said. "I love you."_

"_Shit, shit, shit." I said, "You don't love me." I said, looking at him._

_He raised an eyebrow. "I, James Potter, love you, Lily Evans. Is that clear enough?"_

"_No. N__o. we're seeing each other at one month. You can't love me already."_

_James looked at me very seriously. "One month? Lily, I love you like I loved you five years ago and asked you to go out with me for the first time; I love you like I loved you three years ago and we were heads together; I love you like I loved you during these years I didn't see you; I love you like I loved you when I saw you at Alice's wedding. I love you like I will love you in fifty years. I love you."_

_I blinked. "Wow," I said, "That was pretty much the first time a guy was ever so bold about his feeling for me."_

_He laughed. "You can be very scary."_

_I chuckled quietly. "Okay." I said after some seconds of silence. "You convinced me. What do you want to talk about?"_

(…)

I went to sleep the night I came from the hospital with a very confused head. James, Mary, the Healer, Alice, and even an unknown baby with my green eyes and James' unruly hair travelled through my mind during my dreams.

I woke up soaked in sweat, after a dream where James yelled that I was a monster, and that he couldn't stand the idea that he had ever touched me. A girl with no face but with a baby in her arms appeared next to him, and he said I would never see my baby again. Then, I started bleeding profusely and Mary was next to me telling me they couldn't save him, that he'd die. Alice was there two, but she had her own baby and said she was sorry. And then I woke up.

"Lily, are you okay?" Mary asked me as I entered the kitchen by lunch time. I had overslept, and has the healer had said I had to rest at least during a week, I hadn't gone to work. "You look weird. Is everything alright with the…?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm fine Mary. And everything's perfect with the _thing_."

Mary sighed. "It's not a _thing_. It's a baby." She told me.

"Not yet, Mary. Not yet." I told her as I took the milk out of the fridge.

"James was here this morning." She told me as I sat down. "You were still asleep and we decided not to wake you up."

"Oh?" I asked, pretending not to be too interested. "What did he want?"

"What do you think he wanted?" she asked me as if it was obvious. And I had to admit it was. "He wanted to talk about the baby. He said he's leaving tomorrow to do something he didn't say what, and wanted to speak with you."

I nodded. "Yeah, I know. Did you two talk while he was here?"

She shrugged as she stood up. "You could say that;" she told me. "He was telling me his point of view on what you intend to do."

"So what? You're not supporting me now if I don't want to continue this?" I asked her as I looked at her with a serious face.

She looked at me as well. "I'll support you in whatever you want to do, Lily. That's what best-friends do; I'd never leave you alone in a time like these."

"But?"

"But that doesn't mean I agree." She said. I opened my mouth to say something, but she continued. "And it's not even the fact that you don't want to have the baby; I agree that you might not be ready for it."

"What is it then?" I asked her.

"I'm tired of seeing you running away from your problems, from the reality. First, you ran away from your family, because of your sister. Then, you ran away from a brilliant future as an auror, because you were too afraid of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named to fight him. Then you ran away from James and now you're running away from something that means you'd have some objective in life." She said.

I stood up. "What do you know about running, Mary? I'm the one who ran away from the auror training, but you're the one who can't say his name! Just because I don't want to wake up everyday worrying about being killed because my parents are muggles-"

"Don't you get it you fool, that you already have to worry!" she yelled. "The more you don't want to face it, we are in danger from the moment we entered this world! Stop trying to ignore what is happening around you! _Do_ something!"

"What the fuck do you want me to do?" I yelled back. "Go after him? Kill myself in the process? Why don't _you_ do it, then, Mary? You're running away as much as I am!"

"No, Lily, I am not!" she said. "At least I admit I don't live in a wonderful world where I'm safe and everything's perfect!"

"I-" but whatever I was going to say after that was out of my mind quickly. A sudden pain in the lower part of my belly made me crouch in pain.

"Lily, what's wrong?" Mary asked, as she walked to me. "What are feeling?"

"It hurts." I said in a small voice as another wave of pain came over me.

"Come one, let me help you." She said as she helped me stand up and walk to a chair.

"It hurts!" I said again, louder this time, yelling.

"Calm down Lils!" Mary said.

"What's happening?" someone asked, entering the kitchen.

I looked up to see it was James. Mary looked at well. "I heard a scream and broke in." he explain to her confused look.

"I don't know what's happening." Mary said.

"Make it stop!" I asked as the pain seemed to increase.

"We better take her to St. Mungos." James said. "It must be the baby."

"She can't apparate, can she?" Mary asked him.

As they spoke about a way to take me St. Mungos, I started taking deep breaths. And, as I breathed, the pain slowly decreased, and then it was gone.

"I need to lay down." I told them, and they looked at me strangely. "It's gone. I just need to lay down." I explained.

They were quickly next to me and James insisted in carrying me to my bedroom, no matter what I said about being able to walk.

After some minutes of resting and simply looking at each other's faces, Mary started crying. "I'm sorry Lily! It was my entire fault! If I hadn't yelled-"

"Let it go, Mary." I said, not really feeling like talking and trying to convince an over stressed Mary that it wasn't her fault.

"Maybe we should take you to St. Mungos anyway, just to make sure." James said, putting a hand over Mary's shoulders to stop her from crying.

"I'm fine, don't worry. And so is the _thing_." I told him, rolling my eyes.

Neither of them said anything about me calling whatever was inside me a _thing_, but I know it was just because I had been in pain some minutes before, as their eyes grew darker when I said it.

"Mary, could you make her some tea or something like that?" James asked her after the uncomfortable silence than reign over us where Mary's sobs were the only possible to hear.

"Sure." She said, cleaning her tears and scurrying out of the room.

"So, I see you still have those crazy ideas about taking our child?" he asked me as he sat next to me.

"They never were crazy ideas. And it's not a child." I corrected him.

"Yet." He said. "Because you won't let it be."

I shook my head. "Do you really want a child right now?" I asked him. "Both you and Mary seem very keen on letting me now there is a monster out there trying to kill people like me and, still, you want to bring a child to this world. The child from a Mudblood and a Pureblood. I'd be polluting your race!" I told him sarcastically.

James shook his head. "As if that ever mattered to me, or to anyone we care about." he said.

"But it matters to _him_."

He snorted. "Yeah, like you care much about him. As if you don't ignore Voldemort's existence in every way."

"Don't say the name!" I shrieked.

"Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort, Volde-" he started, but I cut him off.

"Stop it, James! I get it, I get it!" I said, looking away. "I get it." I said again.

I felt tears forming in my eyes because of the something I had never cried before. I was crying because, for the first time in my life, a pang was felt in my heart when I remembered He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. I had never really cared about whatever was going to happen, but, suddenly, the threat seemed too close to be ignored.

"I have to go now," James said, and I finally looked at him again, containing my tears. "I still have a lot to do before I leave. Just make sure you don't do anything foolish until I return, alright? Wait for me, please."

"I don't know, James…" I said, not being able to stop myself from crying. "I can't do this. It's too much to me."

"One month. Just give me one month." He said. "I have to go. Don't rush into anything, alright?" he said, kissing my lips and resting his hand over my belly. "Love you."

With that, he stood up and exited the room.

When he closed the door, I rested my own hand over my belly. "Worst is, I love him too." I said, looking at where my hand was. "But he doesn't understand why I have to give you away. I mean, I rejected him because of my freedom, and I love him. You would just be coming to ruin what I gained, and I still don't like you that much.

"Besides, you don't really want to come to this world, do you? It's a crazy world, and you'd only by a halfblood, so you wouldn't be safe. Not that your father is much safer either, he does want to marry a muggle born, and wants her to have his child, which would be you. You don't really want to be born. Worst if you were a girl! You really don't want to have girl's problems. Seriously, what if you got pregnant? Like me? Okay, if you got pregnant I'd probably support you, so you wouldn't need to worry. And what if you were a boy and got some girl pregnant?... Okay, I'd support you anyway. I'd be a very supportive mother, you know."

I stared for some seconds at the place where my hand was before quickly retrieving it and scowling myself. Talking to a flat belly? I was really going crazy.

"You can deny it, Lily," Mary said, and I noticed for the first time she had entered my bedroom with tea. "But I just saw you talking to your belly."

I looked away. "Shut up." I said.

In answer, she only grinned and walked to me, serving me the tea she had made.

Oh God, what was happening to me???

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**Author note: I was really happy to see so many people reviewing and so nice reviews! You guys rock!**

**Anyway, I don't have thanksgiving day, so I really couldn't update earlier. But my birthday is coming, and maybe in that week you'll have an extra update. Maybe… xD**

**Anyway, I have to go. It's really late and my beautiful bed is calling.**

**Love,**

**Hannah**


	9. Little jamesLily

"_No, no, no. Completely not. Did you __take a good look at that dress? It shows everything."_

_I laughed and took a good look at myself in the mirror. It did show a little bit too much. Perfect._

"_Tell me it doesn't turn you on?" I asked him in a silky voice._

_His turn to laugh. "Yes, it does. But I don't want it to turn anyone else on."_

_James, Mary and I were in a clothes shop, choosing some__thing to dress in a party that we'd be attending at James and Sirius' place._

"_Hey guys, look at me!" Mary said, appearing __in front of us __in__ a blue dress. "Am I hot or what?"_

"_Pretty hot," James said__ "If I were single, I'd hit on you."_

"_If I were a lesbian, I'd, too__" I said._

_Mary laughed. "Thank you," she said, looking at me. "I like the dress Lily, but am I supposed to see your knickers?"_

_James looked at me with an "I-told-you" expression._

"_Yes, you're supposed to see my knickers. Which, by the way, are very pretty__" I told her._

_I heard her laughing as she went back to her cabinet so she could take the dress off. I did the same, and was in the process of talking off the dress when James entered it too._

"_Why don't you try this one?" he said, showing me a black dress he had in his hand. "I'm sure it'll look great on you."_

_I smiled and took the dress from his hands. "Tell me the truth; you only picked this up so you could see me change clothes, right? You'd think that after three months dating me you'd have had enough of seeing me getting undressed."_

_He laughed. "I can never get enough of you."_

"_Just get out, you dog." I told him as I pushed him off my cabinet._

_I heard him laughing. "Nop__e__, that's Padfoot!"_

_I laughed too._

_(…)_

"_Welcome ladies, to the Marauders' party!__" Sirius said as he opened the door of his apartment for us. It was already loaded with people, some known, others that I had never seen._

_Mary and I entered, smiling at him. "I see you didn't lose you__r touch when it comes to parties.__" Mary told him._

_He smirked. "And I see you didn't lose your touch when it comes to being attractive."_

_I sighed. "Great, you two flirting was all I needed."_

"_Do not fear, Lady Lily, because Remus is here!"_

_I turned around smiling to see Remus with a bottle of butterbeer. I hugged him. "Can I get one of those too?" I asked him as I pointed to the bottle on his hand._

"_I'm of better help when it comes to drinks__" Peter said, coming out of nowhere and handing me a bottle. "Good to see you, Lily."_

_I smiled. "Good to see you too, Pete. And thanks for the drink."_

_I looked back to see if Mary and Sirius were still there, but they had gone missing. I arched an eyebrow questionably at Remus and Peter, but they shrugged._

"_Anyway, have you seen th__e__ walking disaster that is James Potter?"_

_Remus shrugged and put an arm around my shoulders, while Peter did the same on the other side. "Who knows where that _horned_ guy is," he said, "he's probably making sure he put enough cologne for you."_

_I laughed as they led me to James' room. "There, fair __Lady, here we bid you goodbye.__" Peter said._

"_If you have the opportunity, throw that horrible cologne of his away, please.__" Remus whispered._

_I laughed and at last opened the door, entering the room. James was there, looking out of the window, but turned when he heard me arriving._

"_Right on time.__" __h__e said, smiling and stretching a hand for me._

_I walked to him and took his hand, while he pulled me to him. "Right on time for—__"__ I stared questioning, but he silenced me._

"_Just look.__" __h__e said._

_And I did. James was looking at the sky and, after a few minutes, something shiny made its way across the sky._

"_Meteorites.__" __h__e explained._

_I didn't answer as I stared at it; it was really a nice show to watch, and I couldn't get enough of it. Too soon, it was over._

"_Lily…" James said, after some few minutes of silence._

"_Mmmh?" I answered, still hugging him close._

"_I want you to be my girlfriend."_

_Silence…_

"_I already am."_

"_Good."_

_I looked up at him and then, standing on my tiptoes and stretching myself, kissed his lips lightly. Smiling, I went back to simply hugging him._

_The door suddenly burst opened and we both looked back, surprised, only to see a very messed up Mary and an over smiling Sirius. "Prongs, mate, I think we'll have to buy a new sofa."_

_James raised an eyebrow at him. "Why? What did you do?"_

_Sirius grinned at stole a glance at Mary, who was busy trying to make sure her dress didn't seem too crumpled._

"_Say no more. We'll buy one tomorrow.__" James said._

_After a while, I understood why Mary's dress was crumpled. "For God's sakes, don't you have a room???__"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A fall, some days in bed and everyone thinks you're about to die.

I mean, what other reason could it be for everyone to decide it'd be nice to send flowers?!

"One more," Mary announced as she entered my room with a bouquet of white roses. "What do I do with this one?"

Taking my eyes briefly of the book I was reading, I looked at her. "How should I know? Did you already give some to Mrs. Portman from the third floor?"

Mary nodded. "Yeah, I gave her those pink ones that made you sneeze."

We stared at each other for a while before laughing. "Sirius sent those on propose, I swear," I told her as she put the roses on my bedside table. "He knows I'm allergic."

"He couldn't possibly have done that," Mary reasoned, "James told him about little James, he wouldn't do that."

I rolled my eyes and sighed in exasperation. "Stop calling _it_ that! You don't even know if it's a boy. Hell, you won't ever know!" I told her.

She pouted. "What do you want me to call him, then? _It_, like you do? Never!"

Breathing calmly, I stood up. "I need some fresh air."

"You have a balcony," she pointed out.

"Yeah, but my fresh air implies somewhere away from my bedroom," I told her.

"Then I'm going with you. We have to take care of little James there," she said, smiling at my belly.

I groaned. "Stop calling it little James! It doesn't exist!"

"I'm getting my jacket, _mummy_!" she yelled, making me scream in frustration as she left my bedroom.

(…)

We were walking down our street, talking about anything that came to our minds and that took me away from what was happening inside of me. I was thankful that Mary never mentioned "little James" again, nor did she call me "mummy".

"I still prefer that black dress you wore on Alice's dinner. I mean, to say it made you hot was an understatement." Mary said.

I laughed. "Yeah, I like that one too. But the white is gorgeous, you have to admit it."

She nodded. "True," She said. "So, do you want to stop somewhere so we can eat something?"

Looking around me, I tried to remember a place where we could eat. Nothing came to my mind. "Sure. But you lead the way. And, it was you who offered, so you pay."

Mary stuck her tongue out at me and laughed. "Alright, I'll pay."

I followed her through some streets and we finally ended up in a little coffeehouse I was sure I had never seen before. It was small, and had a childish air about it. However, my thoughts didn't linger on that as we entered and sat down.

"What do you want to eat?" Mary asked me.

I looked around me and my eyes fell on a chocolate cake. I smiled in spite of myself. "Chocolate cake, please. And a chocolate milkshake would be nice, too."

She smiled and called the waitress, who took no longer than one minute to come. "What can I get you, dears?" she asked with that smile all waitresses have.

"I want a coffee and a croissant. She'll have a chocolate cake and a chocolate milkshake. The bigger you have, mummy there as to take care of herself." she said, grinning at the waitress who immediately looked at me with that face everyone makes when they know a pregnant girl.

I glared at Mary and she looked away, pretending she hadn't noticed.

"I'll bring you an extra big slice," the waitress said and then walked away hurriedly.

"Seriously, Mary, I could pass without that," I scowled her.

She shrugged. "Sorry Lils, it was just so they'd get out our orders faster."

I sighed. "I don't get why you're so against what I want to do. You know how my life is right now, I can't have a child!" I told her.

"Yes, you can." Mary said, looking at me. "I would help you, James would help you. It's a baby, Lily, a new life."

"Yes, James really would. I told him I was taking it, and what does he do? He disappears to God knows where to do God knows what!" I told her.

She looked at me seriously. "Don't tell me you're taking the baby because James had to go away for a month?" she asked. "Because that'd be just stupid."

"Of course not," I told her. "I'm simply telling you how much he cares about it."

We were in silence as the waitress arrived with our orders. She smiled at us quite often. "So, how far along are you? It can't be much." She asked once she was done serving us.

"Three weeks," Mary answered for me. "It's so great when your best friend gets pregnant."

The waitress laughed. "What about daddy? He must be really happy!"

Once again, Mary answered. "You have no idea!" she said. "But he had to go away for a month."

The waitress turned to smile sympathetically at me. "Work these days!" she said.

I only nodded as I drank my milkshake and prevented myself from talking.

Work… yeah, right. What did James work in? He collected antiques! Why would he need to go away a whole month when the only thing he does is collecting antiques? I mean, he knew I was going to take the baby and he went anyway; it must've been something really important. He doesn't even need the money he makes by selling that stuff.

Once the waitress went away, I turned to Mary. "Do you really think James went away because of his work?"

Mary looked at me bemused. "What else would it be?"

"I don't know," I told her. "I mean… he collects antiques; how long can it take for him to buy a bloody old thing?"

She looked at me curiously. "You know what, you're right. What would take him so long in a time when I'm sure he'd want to be here?"

"Exactly my point. What w—"

But I stopped myself mid-sense. All because, in that same moment, I looked outside the little coffeehouse. And, outside, I could see a school and at that moment the children were coming out to play. They were all very young, and between them I saw a little girl with this flaming red hair that reminded me so much of myself when I was younger. I stared at her for long minutes, and caught myself wondering if "little James" was actually a "little Lily". I'd never know.

What would it be like to have a little girl with flaming red hair and nasty temper running around my apartment?

"Lily," Mary said. "Lily." She said again. I turned to her; she had surely noticed to where I was staring.

"Mary, I can't wait anymore." I told her.

She raised an eyebrow. "You can't wait anymore to do what?"

"To take it. I have to do it now."

She was in silence, staring at me. At last, she spoke. "You're getting attached to him, aren't you?"

I didn't answer.

"You're starting to like him." She said again. "Don't do it, Lils. Please."

For the first time, her words meant something to me. They weren't said simply to spite me, it was something with meaning. But no, I couldn't have it. I simply couldn't!

I was young, unmarried (my parents would kill me) and worst, I wasn't even dating the guy. I couldn't raise a kid on my own! I was not mentally ready for it!

"I have to. I have to."

(…)

The following day I visited St. Mungos, ready to appoint a day for the… the abortion.

Mary was with me, and, although she didn't open her mouth—she didn't need to—I knew she was against it.

I ended up setting the day for the following week, when I'd be a month pregnant. I wanted to do it sooner, but the woman somehow seemed to notice the insecure tone in my voice and gave me some more time to think.

I could never remember a week as bad as that one; I'd have nightmares all night long with babies and James and I'd spend the day over stressed. James, even if away, also helped for my bad days.

When he first went away, he used to write me quiet often. Now, only a week after he had left, I received no more letters from him. I wondered what had happened with him most of my time; but then I'd get to the conclusion he simply hadn't time to write.

And, of course, there was Alice too, who was helping me get stressed. I couldn't stand being near her anymore. She was always speaking about her baby. It was her baby-this, her baby-that; her baby's shoes, her baby's room, her baby's everything! She didn't know I was pregnant too, so she always tried to drag me with her when she went shopping for the little creature.

And then, the day arrived.

It was a Wednesday, and the day was cold as it had always been. I got up early, not feeling like sleeping anymore.

"This is the day," I told myself as I got dressed and stared at the mirror at my belly. "Tomorrow you won't be here."

Shaking my head, I walked to the kitchen and made myself a nice breakfast. One hour later, Mary entered the kitchen too and gave me a weak smiled, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"What time do you have to be there?" she asked.

"Nine thirty," I answered, looking at the clock. "Let's go?"

She nodded and, after cleaning the kitchen, we left.

(…)

The trip to St. Mungo's was incredibly short, all things considered. I felt less and less confident as I went, but I tried not to show it. I was going to do it, and that was it.

"Ms. Evans, this way please," a healer told me as she indicated a corridor. Mary followed me.

"Just wait out here some minutes, please," she said. "There is other girl inside, but she should be coming out."

I nodded. "Thank you," I said, and the healer went off.

Mary and I stood there, sitting, for what seemed ages. Mary didn't speak, didn't even try to hold my hand. I didn't bring up a conversation either, knowing it'd be useless.

After some time, the door opened. The woman—or should I say teenager?—coming out had tears in her eyes, and her hand was clutched over her belly. My hand went immediately to mine, for some strange reason, and the girl's eyes locked with mine.

Would I be like that when I left that room?

"Ms. Evans, it's your turn." the other healer said. I stood up and Mary did as well.

"Want me to go with you?" she asked.

"You can't come in." the healer informed her.

"Thanks for coming with me, Mary." I told her.

She pulled me to a hug. "You know I'd never let you come alone."

I nodded. "Everything's going to be alright." I told her.

"I know."

"Ms. Evans?"

I turned back to the healer, and finally followed her inside. Like everyplace in St. Mungo's, the room was plain white, and some potions were standing at the far side of the room.

"Now, Ms. Evans, this is a very simple thing, but also a very painful process. You'll take this potion," she pointed to a glass on the table next to me, "and I'll perform a spell. If everything goes well, in one minute you'll start to feel something and bleed. In fifteen minutes it'll be over. Can I please ask you to change your clothes back there?" she pointed to a curtain.

I nodded and picked the hospital's clothes to get changed. Quickly, I had taken out my clothes and gotten redressed.

"Very well," she said. "Please, lay down."

I did as I was told without saying anything. She passed me the glass and I opened it, ready to take it.

However, as I was about to drink it, I stopped.

"Can I… can I say goodbye… to _it_?" I asked the healer.

She looked at me with a face that betrayed the fact that she had seen other people doing the same many times before. "Of course," she said.

I looked at my belly and started tracing circles on it with my free hand. "This is it, then. I can't say I'm exactly happy to send you off, but you know I have to do it. I can't keep you."

I sighed. "Please forgive me, wherever you are going now. You'll be in a better place, I'm sure." Then, I was in silence, simply staring at my belly.

"Ms. Evans? Can we go on?" the healer asked, bringing me out of my reverie.

I nodded. "Yes, we can."

Once again, I brought the glass to my lips but, before I could drink it, the door burst open. "Don't do it!" the person screamed.

I stopped the act immediately. "Sirius?" I asked, confused.

"I'm sorry, sir, but you can't come in, even if you're the father," the healer said, clearly exasperated as she walked to the door. "Please, wait outs—"

"I'm not the father," he said. "Because the father was just reported as missing."

I stood up quickly as the glass slipped from my hands, breaking. "What?" I asked, my heart thumping inside my chest.

"James has gone missing." Sirius said, looking at me.

And in that moment, I knew I wouldn't be doing the abort anymore. Especially because, next thing I knew, my head was touching the floor. I fainted.

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**Author's note: I know I have a lot to say, but I haven't got time. It's one thirty where I live, so I'm extremely late in my update, and even more tired. Thanks everyone for the reviews! I'm really happy to see so many of them. **

**I'll answer your reviews next update, **

**Love, **

**Hannah **


	10. New doubts

"_Why can't I open my eyes?"_

"_I have a surprise for you!"_

"_A surprise?"_

"_Yes."_

_I didn't question him further as he led me though his house. It was a late Friday night and, as night was the only time we could be together, I had come to his apartment. As soon as I had entered, he had put his hands over my eyes and claimed to have a surprise._

"_Is it much farther?"_

"_We're here. Are you ready?"_

_I smiled. "Yes, I am. Hurry up! I'm curious!"_

_He took his hands out of my eyes and I blinked. In front of me, in his very Gryffindor-fashion like living room, was the most horrendous couch I had seen during all my life. It had huge lilies all over it and it was of a horrid yellow._

"_James? What is this?" I asked, bemused._

"_Well, Sirius and I had to replace our last couch. And this one just caught my eye."_

"_Because…?" I asked, confused._

"_Because it reminds me of you. It's my Lily-couch!"_

_I turned back slowly to stare him in the eyes. He had got to be kidding me. __"James, I thought we had agreed on that black one! And the white curtains to match."_

"_I know we had… but Sirius and I decided to go for this one instead."_

_As I looked up at his eyes, I saw a blink of amusement in there. I raised an eyebrow and smiled._

"_You're hiding something from me, aren't you?"_

_He looked very affronted. "Why would you think such thing, Tiger-Lily?"_

"_Yes, you are hiding something from me. You never call me Tiger-Lily unless you're lying."_

"_That's stupid, Lily. So, what did you think of our new couch?"_

_I turned around again to stare at it. "Honestly?"_

"_Please."_

"_It's the ugliest thing I have ever seen."_

_He laughed loudly. "And you are laughing because…?" I asked, turning around to look at him._

"_I'm simply laughing. No reason behind it." He said._

_I raised my eyebrow and was going to question him further when he attacked my mouth and walked me back onto said couch. At least it's comfy, I thought._

_He started fumbling with my shirt and was going to take it off me when I stopped him. "What if Sirius comes in?"_

_He shrugged. "He won't mind."_

"_James!"_

_He laughed. "Sirius won't be sleeping home tonight."_

"_Uh-uh,__" I answered, suddenly very interested in taking off his clothes._

_One hour later we were laying together in silence as he played with my hair. "I should be going."_

"_Already?" he asked as I stared up at his eyes._

"_Yeah. It's late and I have a wedding tomorrow morning."_

"_You could spend the night here," h__e said._

_I shook my head as I stood up, looking for my knickers and bra and starting to get dressed. James stood up and put his boxers on as well._

"_It's the first time I'm with you this week, Lily. You could at least make an effort to spend more time with me."_

_I stood what I was doing to look at him. "I'm sorry, James. I just have been really busy and tired."_

_He didn't say anything, simply sighed. "Tell you what," I said, sitting next to him as I put my heels on. "I'll try to come tomorrow, okay? Just… don't get mad at me."_

_He smiled as he touched my neck with his fingers. "It's not about getting mad. I'm just saying we don't spend enough time together."_

"_I'm sorry," I said, kissing him one last time before getting up._

_However, as I did so, he pulled me back down. "Wait, I have something for you," he said. "Wait here."_

"_Okay,__" I said, leaning back on the couch as I waited._

_After some minutes he came back with an envelope on his hand. He sat back down and gave it to me._

_As I open it, I noticed there were Quidditch tickets inside, for the Hollyhead Harpies/Tutshill Tornados' game. My team and his. I smiled._

"_Quidditch, James?"_

_He nodded. "I haven't been to one in a while; besides, it'll be a good time to be with you outside a bedroom."_

_I decided to ignore what he meant with the last sentence and instead hugged him. "Great idea, love."_

_However, the envelope felt heavier than it should if it was simply carrying tickets to a game. Carefully, I took a better look inside; something shiny was in it as well. Pulling it off, I was even more surprised. "A key?"_

"_Yes," James said.__ "The key from this place."_

_I stared at it for a while, thinking if I should reject it or keep it. At last, I smiled._

"_Thanks." I said.__ "I'll be sure to get you one, too."_

_James grinned. "Great."_

"_Anyway," I said.__ "I have to be going."_

_I stood up, kissed his lips lightly and finally walked to the door. As I reached it, however, I had to turn back. I noticed for the first time there was something different. The couch, the horrid yellow couch, was now the black one I had chosen. The curtains were the white ones I had chosen, and the living room was no longer red and gold._

_I looked at James questioningly. He laughed._

"_What happened to your living room?" I asked, bemused. "Where's that awful yellow, lily-full thing?"_

"_That?" he asked.__ "That was just a spell Sirius had put on the living room to show how little he liked the new decoration. It would go away as soon as someone had sex in it."_

(…)

"Missing? How can he be missing?"

"Calm down, Lily. Think about little James!"

"I don't give a fuck about little James! I want to know about big James!"

Sirius breathed. "I know, Lily. I want to know more too."

After I had fainted, they had taken me to a St. Mungo's room where they woke me up and tried to make me drink something to calm me down. Being who I am, I completely refused the potion and instead turned immediately to Sirius. In the meanwhile, Alice, Dorcas and Emmeline had arrived to the hospital, but they had yet to say something. I suspected they were too shocked from realizing I was pregnant.

"How can he be missing?" I repeated, looking at Sirius and expecting him to tell me at any minute he was joking. "Where did he go? Why would anyone want him?"

Sirius shook his head and looked at the floor, and I knew instantly he was hiding something from me. "Lily… I'm not the right person to tell you anything about this. Really." He said.

"Then who is, Sirius? I don't get it! What did he go away for, anyway? Who could have him?" It seemed the only thing I could do at that moment was question. My mind was spinning with so many doubts; how could he be missing? If he only went away because of his bloody job…

"I think your last question was pretty obvious, Lily," Dorcas said, taking a step forward and speaking for the first time. "You can no longer ignore Volde-"

"Don't say the name!" both Mary and I shrieked at the same time.

Dorcas sighed. "Alright. Like I was saying, you can no longer ignore He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. It is obvious he has James."

I snorted. "Why the hell would he want James? As if he ever did anything to gain his attention." I said to. Then I stopped to think. What if…? "Unless…" I started, "unless I'm the reason for them to have him." I concluded, looking at them truly terrified. "Is that it? They want to keep them away from the _mudblood_?"

"Lily, that's not what this is about." Sirius said, reaching for my hand and grabbing it safely in his. "Believe me: if they have him, it's not because of you."

"What other thing could it be?" I said, tears in my eyes. "It's my fault if he's missing!"

Sirius smiled sadly and pulled me to a hug, making me cry at last. "Could you leave me alone with her, please?" he asked the others.

I didn't look to see if they had nodded, but they all left the room silently. "There are much bigger things in game then you being a muggle-born. And I can assure you that, if Vol—"

"Sirius!"

"I can assure that if he went for James, it was for so many more reasons."

We broke the hug and he cleaned my tears with his thumb. "I promise he'll be back. He's James Potter for Merlin's sake. He has a way to get out of anything," he whispered.

I smiled tearfully and sat in silence for some seconds. For some reason, I knew Sirius was hiding something from me. Maybe it was because of the fact that he and James were very similar, and that I always managed to find a way to know when James wasn't being truthful.

"What are you hiding from me, Sirius?" I asked, looking at him. "What do you know about James' whereabouts?"

He shook his head. "I told you I'm not the right person to tell you about this, Lily. Even if I know something more, I can't tell you."

"Sirius, take a good look at me! I'm desperate!"

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Well, you were fine when rejected him, weren't you?"

I picked the pillow in my bed and threw it at him. "Don't be such a jackass! I love him, alright? I have his child inside of me!"

"I must say I believe Ms. Evans to be right, Sirius." A calm voice said from the door. "She does have a right to know what's really happening."

I turned my head so quickly I even felt dizzy. There, in the door, was a man I hadn't seen since I had left Hogwarts; my ex-Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore.

"Professor?" I asked, surprised.

He smiled. "Please, Lily, you're not at school anymore."

"Dumbledore?" Sirius asked, almost as surprised as me. "I'm sorry; I know you told me not to tell, but I had to."

The old man shook his head. "It's alright, Sirius. I believe she did have the right to know. Alice sent me an owl telling me they were coming here; I came as fast as I could."

I kept staring at them as Dumbledore walked to the chair beside my bed and sat down; Sirius stood where he was, sitting on my bed.

"First I must congratulate you, about the baby you're expecting," he said.

I made an effort not to snort. "It has brought me more trouble than anything else."

He smiled. "Life always brings us what we do not wish; but with time we realise what we didn't wish is exactly what we need," he told me. I quit trying to understand what he meant. "Moving on, I have to ask you not to worry about James more than necessary. He will come back safely, I can assure you."

I looked at him expressionless. "Where is he?" I asked, very directly.

Dumbledore sighed. "I can't tell you; but I was able to enter in contact with him this morning, and he says he managed to run away and is on his way back."

As he said that, it was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. James was fine; he was coming back.

Sirius reacted more quickly than me to the news. "He's coming back?"

Dumbledore nodded carefully.

"But—I thought—I thought we were going after him?" Sirius asked, confused.

"Yes, we were. Thankfully, that will not be needed. The people who had him didn't know exactly who they were dealing with, although I don't see how anyone could not know who James Potter is."

As they spoke, I kept staring at them, confused. "Hello? I'm still here!" I said, making them look at me. Professor Dumbledore had stood up. "James is coming back? How come? What really happened? I don't get it!"

Dumbledore tapped my hand caringly. "Don't worry about that now, Lily. Worry about the child you have inside. I shall see you two soon. Goodbye."

And with that, he left, just as swiftly as he arrived. I turned to Sirius, and a sudden huge smile took over my features. Sirius was grinning just as madly as I was.

Jumping off bed, I jumped to Sirius and hugged him tightly. "He's coming back! He's coming back!" I yelled.

Sirius laughed that bark-like laugh I already recognised as his.

The door opened again and Mary, Alice, Dorcas and Emmeline came back in. "So," Dorcas asked as Sirius and I broke apart, still grinning. "Now that we know James is safe and secure, would you like explaining what the hell is going on between you two?"

I only smiled in answer, too happy to even bother thinking about that.

(…)

Some hours later I was released from St. Mungos, and Mary and I went back home. As we arrived, we sat on the couch in our living room in silence, going over what had happened during the day.

"Eventful day, wasn't it?" Mary said suddenly.

I looked at her and she looked at me, smiling. "One could say that."

"When do you think James is coming back?"

"Quickly, I hope."

"Lily, I've wanted to tell you something," she said, not facing me. "But I'm never sure when it's the right time to do so."

I sighed. "If it's bad, I don't want to know," I told her. "I have too many problems already."

Mary laughed quietly. "I don't think it to be bad," she said. "I think it's actually good."

"Go ahead, then," I told her.

"I have a boyfriend," she said.

I kept staring at her. "That's the news? Mary, you always have boyfriends."

She shook her head, smiling dreamily. "No, no. This time I have _a_ boyfriend. Meaning, I really like him. And he likes me back."

I smiled. "Really? I'm proud of you!"

We both started laughing as I hugged her. "Who is he? Do I know him?"

She shook her head. "No, you don't. He works at Gringotts. He's name is Adam."

"I hope to be introduced to him soon."

Mary nodded. "As soon as this calms down a bit, yeah, I want you two to meet."

We were in silence again, as my mind went back to James disappearance and sudden reappearance. Sirius had admitted he was hiding something; even Dumbledore had denied telling me anything about where James was. I had never really thought about how many secrets he was keeping from me.

"Mary… do you know anything about where James went to that you're not telling me?"

She looked at me strangely. "Of course, not, Lily." Then she sighed. "But I noticed too, how everyone seemed to know something more."

It was my time to raise an eyebrow at her. "Everyone? What do you mean? I thought only Sirius and Dumbledore were hiding something."

She shook her head. "Didn't you see? Dorcas, Emmeline and Alice. They were so strange!"

That made me think. "You know what, now that I think about it, Dumbledore said Alice sent him a letter telling him 'they' were coming to see me. Meaning, she, Em and Dorcas."

We stood at each other for some minutes, in deep thought. "They're hiding something," I said aloud. "They know where James was. I mean, I haven't received any letter from James at some days now; they should know he was missing since then."

"And we haven't spoken to them in days. They were avoiding us," Mary said. "But— wait. Why would Sirius tell you today, precisely today, that James was missing?"

"Because he knew I was taking the baby today. He didn't tell me before because James probably told him I shouldn't get too stressed; but, as he knew I was going to take the baby he had to step in and stop me," I told her.

She nodded. "I think we owe Alice a visit," Mary said.

"I was thinking along the same lines."

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**Author's note: here I am!**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter; I was happy to see the number of reviewers (and readers) increasing.**

**So, let's talk about questions on the reviews. James as gone missing, but he managed to escape. Still, his fight isn't over; we all know what he has in common with Sirius, Alice and Frank, Emmeline, Dorcas and Dumbledore. But Lily doesn't know and she and Mary will try to find out. Oh well, there's a lot to come.**

**No, the fall didn't hurt little James, and yeah, Sirius saved the day! (everyone loves Sirius. xD)**

**Okay, I have to go now. Be nice and review, yes? xD**

**Love,**

**Hannah**

**Ps: let me tell you something interesting about James' animagus form. We all know James' animagus form is a stag. The interesting thing is that, in my language, if you call someone a stag, or a deer (which is said "veado" in portuguese), it means they're gay. interesting, isnt it?xD**


	11. Lack of energy

"_Do you think you could just move your head an inch?"_

"_Like this?"_

"_Yeah, perfect."_

_I smiled as I looked at James and watched him drawing. It was a new talent of his I had found out, and I was starting to love it._

"_I'm tired of standing still, James." I told him as I looked at him._

_I was sitting next to him on my window still, trying to see how the drawing was every minute._

"_Well, you wanted a draw__ing, didn't you?" he asked with a smile._

_I pouted, but ended up chuckling. "Yeah, I guess so."_

_We were in silence as he started drawing again._

_As I looked at his handsome face, so concentrated, I couldn't help but wonder why in heavens was he still with me. I mean, I refused to let out that we were dating; I probably saw my boss more than my boyfriend. And still, he was with me._

"_James…" I asked quietly._

"_Yeah?" he asked back, not taking his eyes off the paper._

"_Maybe you shouldn't be with me." I told him._

_With that, his head turned up. "What do you mean?"_

"_I'm horrible to you, and I'm not really ready for a relationship with anyone." I said, looking down._

"_What are you talking about?" he asked, confused._

"_Maybe you should just move on, you know? Find another girl or something." I continued._

"_As if, Lily," h__e said, smiling. "I don't care if you're not ready. I can wait until you are."_

_I smiled at him. "Thanks."_

_We were in silence again and his concentration went back to the paper._

"_James…?" I started after a few minutes._

"_Yes?" he asked, this time looking up at me immediately._

"_You'd never lie to me, would you?"_

_He seemed even more confused than before. Then, standing up, he put the paper and the pencil down and pulled me up as well, making me sit on my bed with him._

"_Why are you having these insecurities now?"_

"_Because," I said, very unsure._

"_You don't need to hide anything from me, you know?"_

_I smiled and nodded. "I know."_

"_What happened?"_

_Standing up, I walked to the night stand and picked up a letter I had received the day before by muggle post mail, showing it to him. "My sister sent me a letter. She's pregnant."_

_His face was one of bemusement. "I thought you didn't speak to your sister."_

"_I don't," I told him. "But she seems keen on showing me how much she's achieved in her life and I haven't."_

(…)

"Hey, I wasn't expecting to see you two so-"

"Cut the crap Alice," I said, as I entered her house without waiting for her to invite us in. Mary entered right behind me.

It was the day right after I had interrupted the abort. Unfortunately, James was yet to return, and I had to resist the temptation to go to Sirius and ask him what was going on, and where was James. It was dinner time, the only time Mary and I were almost sure both Alice and Frank would be home.

"Okay…" Alice said cautiously, "What have I done?"

She closed the door behind her and faced us, very confused. I simply stared at her, trying to discover what she was thinking. It didn't work, so I had to speak.

"You lied to me. To us," I said.

"What?" Alice asked, now with a scandalized face. "I did not lie to anyone! Actually, if we're on the lies subject, you've been lying much more than I have!"

"I beg your pardon!" I said, eyes widened as I let my purse fall. "I have not!"

"Oh yeah? Then who the hell is one month pregnant and said nothing to me?" she threw at me.

"That is nothing compared to what you've been hiding from me," I told her, very serious. "For your information, I wasn't even keeping the baby. I still don't know if I will."

"Are you taking it?"

"I don't know Alice," I said, looking at my shoes for some seconds, but quickly regaining my pose. "But you! You!" I said, pointing my finger at her. "You!"

"I what?" she asked, exasperated.

"You knew he was missing! And you didn't tell me anything!"

"Excuse me! How was I supposed to know he was missing?"

"Stop the act, please! We know the true Alice. You, Emmeline, Dorcas, Sirius… I bet Frank too! You all knew James was missing, and you all hid it from me!" I said, now almost yelling and feeling my heartbeat increasing.

"Mary, please knock some sense into her," Alice pleaded. "How were we supposed to know?"

However, her face gave her away. By now, I knew the twitching of her hands meant she was really nervous about something. And that could only mean Mary and I were right.

"She is right, Alice. You lied." she said, much more peacefully than me.

"Stop accusing me of lying!" Alice yelled, finally breaking, "How could I tell you anything, Lily? How could I?"

"How could you? I thought we were friends!" I yelled as well. "He was my man; you were supposed to say something to me if he was missing! He could have died and I wouldn't know anything!"

"Please Lily," she said dryly. "He was not dead. And we weren't sure of anything to tell you or anyone for that matter."

"Oh yeah, so he goes away on work and suddenly stops writing and giving signs of being alive. Why should we worry? He's probably just sick or having too much fun to give any news!" I shouted sarcastically.

"What the hell is going on here after all?" Frank said, coming into the entrance hall. "What's with the yelling?"

"You!" I shouted. "You are in it too!"

"Oh, shut up!" Alice said, suddenly very annoyed. "If you want to accuse someone of lying, why don't you start with your so called man? Away on work? Please, I've heard better."

"Alice!" Frank reprehended.

"If he's not away on work, what was he doing during all this time?" I asked, looking between Frank and Alice. "Where was he after all? What did he go away for?"

"That's not ours to answer," Frank said, "We'd invite you to dinner, but we're expecting some people, so…"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, right. Avoid my questions, go ahead. But I know you lot are hiding something, and I am most certainly not—"

But I cut myself off suddenly. Some weird noises had caught my attention, and it seemed I wasn't the only. Frank and Alice had stopped suddenly too, hearing cautiously. Mary was looking around and seemed to be hearing something as well.

"Wha—" she started, but Frank took his index finger to his lips, silencing us.

After some seconds, the noise was gone. "Frank?" Alice asked quietly, and her voice quivered. "Do you think…?"

"No." Frank said. "Of course not. It couldn't be. I mean—"

But what he meant I never found out as, next moment, the door bell rang and I jumped, scared to death.

"Calm down, Lily." Alice said, smiling. "It's just someone arriving."

"Right," I said. "Well, we were just leaving, weren't we?" I asked to Mary, who nodded. "Anyway, I haven't forgotten what has happened, Alice. Be sure of it."

Meanwhile, and with a sigh, Frank had opened the door. To my surprise, Marlene McKinnon, a girl I hadn't seen for ages, came in.

"Hi, Frank. Has everyone else already a—"

But she cut her speech short as she noticed Mary and I, and then, she glared.

Alright, I might have forgotten to tell the part in which McKinnon and I hated each other at school. It wasn't my fault, really, that she kissed the ground James set foot in and I didn't, and, still, he was in love with me and not her.

"Evans," she said, "MacDonald."

"McKinnon." I said, mimicking her actions.

"McKinnon." Mary said.

"Everyone else is in the room, Lene. You know where to go, right?" Alice asked, very low, but I could hear it anyway in the silence that reigned.

"Yes. Nice to see you two." She said.

"Likewise." Mary answered.

"Wish I could say the same." I mumbled as she followed down the hall.

"You're so childish sometimes, Lily, that I can't even recognize you." Alice said.

"Goodbye." I said, instead of answering her, while I exited the still opened door.

"See you later, Alice. Frank." Mary said, leaving after me.

We stood there, in front of Alice's entrance door, as we heard it close behind us.

Then, I sighed. "That was bloody useless." I said after a while.

"Yeah, I know." she said, starting to walk. "What do you think that meeting was about?"

I walked with her. "I don't know. But I'm curious. I mean, I didn't know Alice kept in touch with McKinnon."

"Me neither. I guess there are some things we're really missing from Alice's life."

Mary sighed. "I know what we're going to do; when James arrives, you'll have to question him."

I only nodded in answer. "Let's apparate?" I asked her as we arrived to a place a little more hidden.

"Lily, you know you can't—"

"One time won't hurt." I told her.

She shook her shoulders. "Yeah, whatever." She said, taking her wand out of her purse.

I fetched my purse to do the same, only to find out I didn't have it. Then, I remembered I had let it fall in Alice's hall. "Damn. I left my purse at Alice's. I'll have to and get it."

"I'll go with you." She said promptly.

I shrugged. "No, it's okay. You can go and start making dinner." I grinned.

Mary laughed. "Alright miss. Hurry up, then."

With that, she apparated. Sighing, I turned back to Alice's and started walking.

Arriving to the door, I knocked. There was some rushing inside the house and Frank opened the door. "Lily?"

"I forgot my purse." I said, pointing to a black thing on the floor. "With my wand in it."

"Oh," he said, fetching it. "Here."

"Thanks." I said, and turned back to leave when the weird noises started again. Quickly, Frank pulled me inside the house and closed the door, looking around with a worried expression. "What's going on?"

The noises suddenly stopped again and, after a while, Frank relaxed. "Nothing. Just apparate quickly to your place, don't linger outside." He advised.

"Alright." I said, confused. "And they say I'm weird…" I whispered to myself as I walked out again.

However, I only got four steps outside before stopping again. There was something behind the bushes Mary had just apparated from. A figure stepped out of the shadows and I could see it clearly.

I was a person, dressed completely in black, and with a hood. Probably a man, judging by his frame. And behind him were more people, all dressed in black.

I swallowed. I knew who they were. Death eaters. And I understood why Frank told me to apparate quickly.

Turning back, I ran to their door, always looking back to see those hooded figures walking towards me. In the front, one of them lowered the hood and I almost screamed; that was no man. He had red eyes, and I instantly recognized him. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

I knocked on the door with all my might. "Alice!" I screamed.

It took a while but the door opened. It was Sirius. Not even thinking in what he was doing there, I pushed him and entered, closing the door and taking off my wand, locking it with all the spells I knew, which weren't few.

"Lily? What are you doing?" he asked.

I looked at him and tried to breath. "Death eaters." I told him, and his eyes widened. "And You-Know-Who's with them." I finished.

If his eyes were wide, now they were worst. Quickly, he ran through the hall and I followed him. He stopped in the living room's door, blocking my view. "There're death eaters outside. And Voldemort is there too."

I shuddered at the name.

"I believe that's our clue." a very familiar voice said. But what the hell was Moody doing there?

But, before I had time to think about that, the door went ajar and Sirius quickly pointed his wand to it and hid me with his body. "To the garden." Moody said, and everyone obeyed, as Sirius pulled me into the leaving room and then to a door I hadn't seen before in all the times I had been in that house. "Stay in there." He said very seriously, before he closed the door on me and I heard him scurrying someplace else.

I swallowed again. That was definitely more than I wanted to face during all my life. At least I knew Mary was safe, that was a relief.

I grabbed my wand harder than I would any other time, trembling. That was not what I was hopping for my night. Not at all.

Then, out of nowhere, the door was yanked open and I screamed. A strong arm caught my arm and pulled me out; fortunately for me, he didn't even notice I had my wand with me. "_Expelliarmus_!" I screamed, and the man went flying.

Then, I stopped to notice the battle field that was Alice's living room, and I could only imagine how it should be in the garden.

"Remember me to never come to Alice's when she's having mysterious people over." I told myself, before I was forced to fight again. "_Expelliarmus_!"

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**Author's note:**** the chapter was edited, like I told you yesterday. Like a reviewer said, and quite correctly, Voldemort would never come to anyplace he knew Dumbledore to be in, so I switched him to Moody.**

**Anyway, thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter! And hope you keep reviewing!**

**Hannah**

Ps: please, please, don't pressure me to update. I know I have deadlines and am supposed to post on Saturdays, and when I'm late it's not because I wanted to. Besides, updates on Saturdays are never made during the evening, it's always later (in my country's hour, which I believe to be the same as England).


	12. Old friend

_I woke up grudgingly from a very nice dream I was having that involved James, Hogwarts and quidditch showers. Stretching my hand through the familiar bed, I tried to find the chest that belonged to the subject of my affection. After a fruitless search, I quitted._

"_James?" I called, still not opening my eyes. No answer came to me._

_I moaned. "Jaaaaames," I said again. "If you're taking a shower, you could at least answer me, couldn't you?"_

_Still, I got no answer. I sighed; it seemed I'd have to do that the hard way._

_Turning, I sat up in bed and opened my eyes; no, I thought, after looking around, he was most definitely not there._

_Sighing again, I walked to the bathroom in James' bedroom and opened the door; he was also not there. Frowning to myself, and thinking it was really weird that he'd get up, leave and not say anything to me—especially because we were in his house—I dressed something over my tiny shorts and shirt, and walked out of the room._

_Deciding to check the kitchen first, I walked left and down the hall. However, when I entered, only Sirius was there._

"'_Morning," I told him as I walked to where he was and drank from his pumpkin juice._

"'_Morning Lily," he answer as I gave him back his glass._

"_Have you__ seen James?" I asked curiously. "He wasn't in the room or in the bathroom when I woke up."_

_Sirius nodded, "Yeah, he's in the living room," he said._

"_Oh, great, thanks Padfoot," I told him as I walked out of the kitchen._

"_Lily—wait," he said, and I turned back to look at him. _

"_What?" I asked._

_He wrinkled his noise. "I shouldn't be telling you this, but you received a letter this morning. He has it." He said, answering my unasked question._

"_Okay… And you shouldn't be telling me this because…?"_

"_Prongs's not happy about it, you know," he said, "because of whom the letter was from."_

"_He opened it?"_

"_No. But he still didn't like the person who sent it."_

_I nodded, shrugging__. "Alright, thanks. I'm going to see what this letter is about."_

_Walking out of the kitchen, I made my way to the living room. James unruly hair was visible on the other side of the armchair._

"_Hey," I said as I walked to him and sat on his lap. "What are you doing here? Why aren't you in the room?"_

_James didn't answer me, but the look he gave me showed he was incredibly angry. Then, he put the letter Sirius had spoken about on my lap. "What's this?" I asked, not really looking at it._

"_See for yourself."_

_Arching one eyebrow at him, I picked up the letter to see who it was from; my heart skipped a beat like it always did when I received letter from that person, but, with a rather disgusted face, I picked James' wand from the table it was on and set the letter on fire._

"_Lily!" James said, looking at me astonished. "What did you do that for?"_

"_For someone who a minute ago was bloody livid that I had received a letter from him, you seem pretty shocked that I don't want to read it." I spat at him._

_His shook his head, "Sorry for trying to understand what's going on in your life! I didn't know you still spoke to that—that—that _guy_," he said, but I knew the real word he wanted to say wasn't exactly as polite._

"_I don't. He keeps sending letters, but I always burn them," I told him, trying to force some hate into my voice half heartedly._

"_Why?"_

"_James, do you really think that after what he became what he is now, I'd really still be friends with him, no matter how much it hurts me not to be?"_

_He didn't say anything, simply stared at me. After a while he walked to me and pulled me to a hug that I accepted gladly._

"_Sorry," he said, and I nodded as I looked up to him and smiled._

"_You don't need to be jealous of anyone, alright? Especially not of Severus Snape."_

(…)

"_Stupefy!"_

"Didn't I tell you to stay inside?" Sirius yelled, literally fighting his way over to where I was. "You can't get stressed!"

"I had no choice, had I? _Stupefy_!" I yelled, "They dragged me out!"

"Oh, bullocks—_Expelliarmus_!—James is going to kill me once he knows."

I said nothing as we kept fighting the best we could. For some reason, everyone in there seemed to be extremely well-trained and fighting like they were expecting to be attacked. A side of me was happy about it; the other was terrified. I was fighting Death Eaters. Death eaters. Me, the muggle-born, who tried to remain safely away from anything that implied Dark Lords and their Dark Magic.

"NO!" I heard someone screaming from outside. The living room was getting empty, most of the Death Eaters were either down, stupefied, or going outside. It seemed it was there, in the garden, that the real action was taking course.

"Lily, I'm going outside to help, this here is under control. We've called the Aurors too, and Dumbledore is on his way," Sirius informed me.

"Alright," I said, still with my wand raised, and gulping. "What do I do?" I said, looking around the people who were probably stunned on the floor. Most of them were hooded, but one wasn't. I recognized the person; it was McKinnon.

"You stay here," he said, trying to see where I was looking at. "Is that Marlene? _Ennervate_," he said, pointing his wand at McKinnon and watching as she slowly opened her eyes.

"Damn, don't tell me I lost all the fun?" she asked as she stared at Sirius and me.

Sirius gave a weak smile. "No, they've taken it outside. We should go."

She hosted herself up from the floor and started following Sirius who, meanwhile, had ran outside from where noises of spells and curses were heard.

McKinnon, however, stopped by the door. "Are you coming to help or what?" she asked, but she didn't wait for my answer as she made it through the door.

My first impulse was to go after her and help them, but I froze after two steps. Sirius had told me to stay inside, hadn't he? Besides, what kind of mother would I be, running into the fight when my child was already at risk without the needing of a Cruciatus Curse?

The fact that I was worrying about my baby froze me all over again; what was wrong with me? Just because I hadn't already taken it, it didn't mean I wouldn't be doing it in the future! And, quite honestly, calling it a baby? A baby? It was Mary all over again, calling it "little-James"!

But it wasn't just my worries about the baby; I mean, a pregnant woman in the middle of a battle field, with an already risked pregnancy couldn't be very useful, could she? I couldn't possibly be ab—

"NO! LEAVE _HER_!"

My train of thoughts was interrupted by that single scream; that single voice I knew to be Frank Longbottom's, the voice which was screaming for the only women he'd ever scream like that for. With a muffled scream almost escaping my mouth, my feet started to move again, faster this time then any other.

Alice was pregnant too.

What I saw when I descended the first stairs was worst than most of what I had seen during the miserable nineteen years I had lived. Alice was on the floor, panting like she had run an entire marathon, a wand pointed at her by the hooked monster with red eyes. Frank was running to her, his wand ready, but was caught by two Death Eaters who put a Body-Bind-Curse on him, making him squirm as he tried to get himself free.

"Now, Longbottom, you would want to calm down," a cold, hissing voice that carried through the entire place said; I felt shivers running up and down my body, and the fine hairs of my neck standing up. "She is of noble blood, just like you are. I do not wish to spill her blood, nor yours."

"You'd let her go, if you knew what's good for you," Moody said, and his boldness came to me as a surprise.

"You dare speak like that to the Dark Lord?" he hissed, but this time I didn't have time to be frightened. Alice was crumbling on the floor, clearly still in pain. My attention was all on her as I slowly crept out of the balcony, hidden, until I reached the garden.

Still unnoticed by everyone else as they all seemed keen on not looking away from He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Names, I walked to her.

"Yes, I dare," Moody said, "Yo—"

But what he was going to say next was never heard, for the man who was threatening Alice then saw me, turning to me with a dangerous expression. "What are you doing? Trying to deceive me?" he said, the wand still pointed at me and Alice.

In a stupid act of pure fearless, I covered Alice, who was still whimpering, with my own body, and pointed my wand at the wizard in front of me. Concentrating, I made a non-spoken spell and created a shield around us. It wouldn't serve much against a killing curse, but at least it showed him I wasn't backing away. I didn't shiver, didn't tremble, didn't show any sign of fear. I just stood there, concealed by the shield and pointing my wand at You-Know-Who.

"It's more like standing up to you," I told him finally, after a few seconds of simply staring. "But if you want to call that deceiving, then please, do so."

"Defying me? Who are you to defy the Dark Lord?" his voice, although low and still seemingly like a hiss, was full of fury.

I saw one of the Death Eaters that was still fighting the rest of the group stopping to look at me; I had only a second to see his eyes: dark, with surprise behind them at having recognized my voice. That only made matters worse; until that moment, I had not thought about the fact that Severus Snape could be between those cruel Death Eaters.

As he stopped to look at me, however, so did everyone else. The fight stopped, and every eye was set on what was happening between Alice, me and _him_.

"Lily…" Sirius said, and more than a plead it seem like a groan.

The Dark Lord turned his eyes briefly to Sirius, and then back at me with a haughty expression. "Could it be? The mudblood…. how was it…? Ah, Evans! The one that I encountered a year or so ago and who managed to get away?"

I held his gaze so as not to look at anyone else in that garden. That was one of my best kept secrets; the real reason I had given up of being an Auror in the first place, after two years of skilful training. I could feel the intensity of Sirius' gaze on me, and Alice, who was behind me, extremely weak, touched my back with her hand.

"So this is where you have been hiding," he said, contemplative. "How very interesting; but no matter, no matter; you won't escape a second time."

I smirked. "For the record, I don't hide. I simply wasn't feeling like staring at that ugly face of yours."

His eyes were nothing more than slits, as he gazed at me with such hate I could almost feel two holes being dug into my flesh. He raised his wand and I raised my body, preparing myself for the fight. However, before anyone could even take a breath, someone had spoken.

"Ah, you don't really want to do that, do you Tom?"

The quickness with which he turned was such that, if it had been me, I'd have stumbled. He, however, held his floor.

There, in front of him, stood Albus Dumbledore. An enormous relief washed over me; as long as he was there, everything would be okay. "Dumbledore," he said.

I took vantage of this distraction to take the curse out of Frank, and he run to where I was standing, helping me with Alice.

"I see," the Dark Lord started again. "They had to call their leader? Couldn't handle me alone?"

"There are so many things you do not understand," Dumbledore said. "One of them is that they do not need a leader when they are already so united. See Ms. Evans, for example; she did not need to fight you, yet, she did."

After those words, You-Know-Who started shooting spells and curses at Dumbledore, and was answered with just as much strength.

"I'm taking her," Frank whispered as he picked Alice up and walked to the back of the house.

I nodded as I saw them go, and turned in time to see a curse flying at me. I had barely time to register that fact and do something about it before someone pulled me down.

"Are you alright?" the person who still had his arm around my waist asked me. I knew that voice…

"Yes," I said, faintly, and I stretched my hand and grabbed the wand that had fallen from my hands.

"Look, Lily—"

"Fight for you own, and I'll do the same," I told, and turned only to see a hooded person behind me; and hooded person whom I knew to have black hair underneath it. "I told you once, Severus: you chose your path and I chose mine. Thanks anyway."

And I stood up again with my wand ready, only to see the Dark Lord had fled, and that his Death Eaters were doing the same. Looking back, I saw Snape vanishing, his eyes strained on me. And I stood there, simply looking at the place from where he had Disapparated from.

"Lily, are you alright?" a quiet voice asked behind me and, this time, I was afraid of what'd find if I turned.

"James…" I whispered, not moving.

I felt two strong arms hugging me from behind and I let myself fall into his arms. "Yes, it's me."

Turning, I let all the tears that I had been dreading spill from my eyes. In that second, I knew I wouldn't be able to hide this time; I had joined the fight against He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named for real.

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**Author's note: hey! I'm back!**

**First I have to apologise for this two weeks without updating; I'm deeply sorry, but some family issues related to this time of the year prevented me from writing.**

**Anyway, what matters is that I'm back! And with hot news, too. Has you have seen, Lily has a much interesting past than simply writing for the daily prophet about weddings; the fact that she quitted Auror training and such. But let's leave that for next chapters…**

**Anyway, thanks everyone who reviewed last chapter! I'm really happy you like the fic; meanwhile, I'm running out of ideas. I have a few more to the next chapter, but then I'll be lost. Anyone who'd like to help me finishing this, please come forward!**

**Thanks to my beta, who still hasn't been mentioned! She's **_**mystrymoviebrunette**_**, and she has been doing a fantastic job with this fic.**

**Furthermore, I hope you all had a great Christmas and I wish you a very Happy New Year!!**

**Love,**

**Hannah**


	13. Past

"_How did you end up being a journalist? And writing about marriages nonetheless?"_

_I was having a nice dinner with the four marauders, and we were commemorating… well, I didn't know what we were commemorating exactly— for those four, any reason was a good reason for a commemoration._

"_Interesting question, if you want to know, Remus," I told him. "One that'd prefer not to answer."_

"_Now, now Lily, that's not fair," Peter interjected. "We decided this night we were all being quite honest to each other, so…"_

_I laughed, "Actually, _you_ lot decided that. I was forced to agree."_

"_Same thing," Sirius said, "Just answer the question, woman!"_

"_Alright…" I said, exchanging an amused look with James. "I had actually been quite interested in writing since I was a little girl; on my seventh year, I was in doubt what to follow, and didn't really apply anywhere, so I ended up jobless, and sharing a flat with Mary, as you all know. Then I had to decide on something to do, and—well, there was an opening at the Daily Prophet, to write about marriages of important people. I didn't really want to write about weddings, of course, but, like I said, I needed a job, so I took it. And then… well, I started to like it and never wanted to change."_

_James raised an eyebrow at me.__ "If I remember our seventh year correctly, you seemed pretty much decided on becoming an Auror," he said._

_I felt my heart beating faster and did everything I could not to show that I was lying when I spoke next. "I was— for a while. Then I found out I wasn't cut out for that."_

_They shrugged. "I think you'd made a great Auror," Sirius said. "You've always been quite brilliant. Not as much as I, of course, but that's nearly impossible."_

_We all laughed. "I agree, no one could be compared to you, expect maybe James," I told him sarcastically. "We're talking about egos, aren't we?"_

_Remus and Peter laughed, while Sirius pretended to pout, only to started grinning after and James only chuckled._

"_You deserved it, Padfoot," James said._

_Sirius nodded. "You too, Prongs."_

_I looked between them and frowned. "I never really understood why you used those bloody nicknames," I said, and their smiles widened. "I mean, I understand Remus', but not yours."_

_Remus smiled. "Oh well, I'm really surprised they haven't told you yet."_

"_Told me what?"_

"_The nicknames we have were given because of our animagus form."_

"_Your what?" I asked them, bemused. "What're you talking about, Peter?"_

"_We're animagi," James said. I stared at them confused._

"_Meanin__g we can transform into animals," Sirius explained._

_I glared at him, "I know what animagi are, thanks!" I said, "But you can't be animagi. I saw the list of the known animagi, and none of you were in there!"_

"_Ahh," James said.__ "That should be because we're illegal animagus."_

_My eyes widened.__ "Illegal?" I asked._

"_Yes, since out fifth year," Sirius said in a tone I recognized as pride._

"_You're crazy!" I said, amazed. "Fifth year?"_

"_Oh yeah, babe," Sirius continued, "What? I told you I was brilliant!" he added when I kept looking at them without knowing what to say._

"_What are you, then?" I asked._

"_Think, Evans, think," James said, "Padfoot, Wormtail and Prongs."_

"_Alright," I said, "Padfoot… Padfoot is one of the names people call the magical black dogs from legends. It matches because you're last name is Black, and Sirius is the Dog Star, so I'm guessing Sirius's a dog."_

_My eyes widened again as I turned to James. "That's why when we were shopping some months ago you said Sirius was a dog! I thought you meant metaphorically!"_

_James laughed._

"_I'm hurt that you'd think that!" Sirius said._

_I grinned at him. "Could you show me?"_

_Sirius shook his head.__ "Later, maybe. I'd have to get naked, and, although I wouldn't mind showing my manhood, Prongs wouldn't be thrilled that I stole his girlfriend."_

_(…)_

"_You're a stag," I said later to James, as I laid in his bed. Remus and Peter had taken the spare bedrooms- they were both way too drunk to apparate home- and Sirius had also gone to sleep. James was half closing his eyes as well, but I couldn't help but be very awake due to the fascinating facts I had learnt that night._

"_Yeah," James mumbled, as he tried to hide his face on the curve of my neck, trying to sleep._

"_That's interesting," I told him, chuckling, "Really interesting."_

"_I know," he said.__ "Can I sleep now?"_

_I laughed. "Believe when I say this, is much more interesting than you think."_

_Finally, he sighed in exhaustion and, perhaps, exasperation and lifted his head a few inches to look at my face. "What's so interesting?"_

_I smiled. "That maybe you were right when you said we were meant to be," I told him._

"_Really?" now he seemed much more awake. "Why is that?"_

"_Do you want to see my Patronus?"_

_He arched one eyebrow confusedly. "What are you on about?"_

_Still smiling, I reached for my wand. "_Expecto Patronum_," I said, and out of the tip of my wand a pearly figure jumped and started walking around the room._

_James stared at it for a while before looking back at me; now, he too was smiling. "Like I always said: we're perfect for each other."_

_With that, I pulled his face to me and kissed him. Strange how things could happen; so much happiness just because my Patronus was a doe._

(…)

It was all disturbingly quiet, as everyone stared at the closed door in front of us. No one dared to say anything, even though there was so much to be said, so much to be clarified.

James' hand was linked with mine, but he hadn't said a word since I had fallen to his arms; not about how he had gotten there, not about what was really happening at Alice's place that deserved You-Know-Who's attention, not about what all those people were doing there: Sirius, Peter, Remus, McKinnon, Moody, Emmeline, Dorcas, Fabian, Gideon and a bunch of other people I didn't know. Of course when he arrived there were more important things to deal with; Alice being hurt, for example. Taking care of everyone else who had been injured. There would be time for questions, time for explanations. But that time wasn't right then.

The sound of the hitherto closed door opening made us jerk our heads in its direction; Dumbledore came out of it with McKinnon, who I had learnt had become a healer at St. Mungo's. Frank was entering the room before the rest of us had even time to blink, and suddenly I was reminded that there was still something good in this world.

"How is she?" Moody asked, and for the first time he seemed actually concerned about something.

"She is fine, there is no need to worry," McKinnon said, and, to my great surprise, she turned her head in my direction and walked to me. "I'm sorry to have forced you into going outside; I had no idea you were in a risked pregnancy," she gave a mirthless chuckle. "I didn't know you were pregnant at all!"

I stared at her, not blinking. After some seconds of daze, I spoke, "It's alright; pregnant or not, hiding in a living room would be very gutless when there was fight going on."

McKinnon nodded and looked at her feet, "Listen… do you want me to do a check up on you? Just to make sure everything's fine with your baby?"

I smiled. "No, it's fine. Don't worry. Thanks anyway."

"Anytime, Lily," and then, with a smile and a nod, she turned around and re-entered the room.

As soon as she left my side, I suddenly felt lost; James was no longer holding my hand—he was now talking in hushed whispers with Dumbledore, Moody and Sirius— and everyone else there seemed pretty busy with talking to each other about what had happened scarcely half an hour ago. And, with the lost feeling, also the came to confusion; what were they doing there after all? More than ever the curiosity was eating at me; I needed answers—I just didn't know how to ask for them.

"Yeah, I'm curious myself," I heard Sirius voice saying, a little louder. And then four heads—Sirius', James', Moody's and Dumbledore's—turned to me. I felt really small under their gazes, and could do nothing more than look away.

"Ms. Evans, I assume now is the time for a little talk?"

I looked out of the window and saw the still darkness that reign outside; sighing, I faced them again, "Yes, I think so too."

Dumbledore smiled at me, those blue eyes feeling like they were piercing into my very soul. "Maybe not here; I don't deem this place is most appropriate for such an… important talk."

"Wherever you think its better," I said.

He smiled, "Maybe… maybe you wouldn't mind coming to Hogwarts with me?"

"Of course not," I said.

"Very well," he said. "How do you feel about travelling by portkey?"

"Whatever you want, sir," I told him. Then, remembering something, I turned to Remus and Peter. "Would you mind going to Mary and tell her I'll be a little late? I was just supposed to come get my wand back, she must be worried."

"Sure, Lily," Remus said, pausing on his way outside to give me a hug. "Don't worry. It'll be okay."

Peter hugged me as well and smiled before they were on their way to warn Mary.

"I'd like to come as well," James said. "It is in my right after all."

"Me too," Sirius said.

Dumbledore nodded and, silently, picked up a lost quill. "This should do!" he said enthusiastically as he pointed his wand at it and it glowed for a while before returning to its normal colour. "If you will," he said, turning to me, Sirius and James.

I placed my finger on it, as well as James and Sirius and—at the last moment—Moody, and we were spinning, spinning through places impossible to recognize, until we landed on the floor of the Headmaster's office at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

I took my time to look around and actually see; it had been so long since I had been there—I had missed it and I hadn't even noticed. Last time I had been there, I was the Head Girl with a promising future ahead of me.

"I'm glad you decided to tag along, Alastor. You're presence here is very important, I believe," Dumbledore said. "Take a seat, please."

I turned to see he had conjured two more chairs. I took a place between Sirius and James, while Moody sat on James' other side. Dumbledore also sat in front of us, and, when we were all comfortingly sitting, he spoke.

"Am I right to think you realised there was some kind of reunion going on in the Longbottom's place?"

I simply nodded.

"Well, that makes things easier!" he said, clasping his hands together in that characteristic way of his. "I am sure you remember the last time you have been here, Ms. Evans?"

I nodded. I remembered. "It was on the end of you seventh year, you were Head Girl, and Mr. Potter was Head Boy. However, I am speaking of that one reunion I called with you only."

I nodded, feeling James' gaze turning to me in confusion. "What reunion?" he asked, bemused.

"One I had with you also, and Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin and Mr. Pettigrew as well- although, much latter," he added. "You remember everything I told you that evening, Lily?"

"_Sit down, Ms. Evans__."_

_I smiled at the Headmaster and took a place in front of him. "Thank you, sir."_

_He smiled as well. "Wasn't the Head Boy supposed to be here as well?"_

_Dumbledore shook his head. "No, no, I wish to talk to you alone."_

_I waited for him to continue. "I was informed by professor McGonagall that you wish to become an Auror?"_

_I nodded proudly.__ "Yes, sir, that is indeed what I wish to do in later years."_

"_Very well," And, all of sudden, his eyes had no longer its usual twinkle, but a rather serious expression graced his face. "I'll go straight to what I want to tell you. I supposed you have heard of the Dark Lord?"_

_I __sighed. "Yes, sir. I have."_

"_Lily, what I am to tell you is very important, and I wish you to keep it to yourself," I nodded eagerly. "I am forming a group of very skilled and willing people to help on the fight against this new Dark Lord, for I do not believe the Ministry alone will serve us a great deal for much longer. As you are now finishing your seventh year at Hogwarts, and have proven yourself to be very talented and willing to fight for the right side, I am asking you to join this group, and to help us."_

_I stared at him for a while._

"_Do I have to give my answer now?"_

"_No, no, __my__dear__You have all the time you want to decide if it's what you want; I could not force you to put your life at risk."_

"_But I do wish to fight, professor," I told him. "I'm just not sure I'm ready for it yet."_

"_In that case, Ms. Evans, the Order of the Phoenix will be waiting for you."_

"Yes," I told him.

"And remember what you told me as well?"

"Yes."

"Am I right to think the same reason that made you drop Auror training made you decide not to join me anymore?"

"_I'm tired, Lily!" Alice complained__, for the one hundredth time it seemed, as we sat in the little muggle coffee where we had decided to have lunch in. Alice was a new friend I had made in my almost two years of Auror training, although she was a year older than me. "I hate these trainings, really. I want to fight, really fight, not to play around!"_

_I laughed. "You're not playing around," I__ said, "Besides, you're so much better than me. It's your last year! I still have one more to go."_

_She nodded. "True. Anyway, I have to tell you something."_

"_What?" I asked, as I carefully drank from my soda._

"_Frank proposed last night."_

_I couldn't help but choke on the drink. "Proposed?"_

"_Yes! We're getting married in some few months!"_

"_Congratulations!" I said, getting up and hugging her. "Wow. Marriage. That's a big thing!"_

"_I know!" she said.__ "I want you to be one of my bride's maids. And Mary too!"_

_I couldn't help but smile even more and was in the act and hugging her again when an explosion threw us away from the place we were._

"_What the hell…?" I asked, but the answer was soon given to me. Cloaked people were entering the place, and every wizard around—which were still some—had taken out their wands._

"_Alice, Death Eaters!" I hissed to her, as I took out my wand as well._

"_I know," she said, and a quick glance showed me she was as ready for a fight as I was._

_Standing up, we found our way to the front of the shrieking, scared crowd, and started fighting as much as we could, putting as many people as we were able to into safety._

"_Fools!" a man who had entered last in the place said, "Fools!" he said again._

_His voice was like a hiss to me, like a snake, and I was suddenly very cold. However, I did not stop and, before I knew it, both Alice and I were in front of the cold man._

"_Why do you fight?" he asked very frigidly. "Why loose you lives, if you're of noble blood?"_

"_What if you're not?" I asked as I stared at him._

"_Lily, don't!" Alice whispered from next to me._

_The man's lip curved upwards in what I supposed was a smile. "But I supposed I know you, don't I? You're one of my Death Eater's old obsession, from what I heard. Mudblood, aren't you Evans?"_

"_Proudly," I said recklessly and, before I knew it, I had a hex thrown at me. I deflected it and thrown one at him as well._

"_It is foolish of you to fight me," he said. "You should know I'll kill not only you, but your family. Muggles are as good as trash."_

"_Do not insult my parents!" I shouted, sending other hex at him. Alice, next to me, was trying to curse him as well, but to no effect._

"_Filthy__ Mudblood!" he said, cursing us back. "You cannot fight me! You cannot do anything! I'll kill you and anyone on my way!"_

_And then, before I knew it, there was a rush of green light, but not in my direction, no, but in the direction of a small child who was hiding underneath a table._

"_NO!" I cried as I ran to her, tried to take her out of there. But before I could reach her, the light had touched her, and she was falling to her side, her eyes wide in terror even if they could not feel anymore._

"_I do not care to kill muggles, nor Mudbloods."_

_Before I could figure out what was happening next, more Aurors were arriving, enough to out number the Death Eaters, and they were fleeing, disappearing._

_All that I really saw was the little dead girl underneath the table, still clutching her bear, and her mother, the muggle owner of the little place, running to her and hugging her to her body. And, all the while, the only thing I could think off was that it was my fault that she was dead, my fault for defying _him

_In that moment, I decided two things: I didn't want to fight anymore, and I didn't want to have children._

"Yes, sir," I answered after some minutes of silence, in which I had gone back to that scary evening.

"Am I finally discovering why this girl left after all?" Moody asked as he looked at me.

"Alastor, this is not the time," Dumbledore said.

"Lily was in Auror training?" Sirius asked, confused. "Why didn't I know that?"

"Seeing as her boyfriend didn't know as well!" James said, as he seemed rather hurt by the news. "She told me she had always wanted to work in a newspaper!"

"Please, this is not the time to go into that," Dumbledore said, raising his hand. "We should first clarify everything she needs to know about what happened today."

No one said anything, and Dumbledore took that as his cue to go on. "What you found in the Longbottom's place today, Lily, was only a reunion of the group I told you about that evening—"

"The Order of the Phoenix," I whispered, more to myself.

"Yes, indeed, the Order of the Phoenix," Dumbledore said. "They were waiting for me and James, whom I had gone to rescue from a very dangerous mission."

Silence reigned for some minutes, while Dumbledore waited for me to understand everything I had been said.

So the Order of the Phoenix had come true. That was what Alice, Frank, Dorcas, Emmeline and even Sirius were hiding from me and Mary. Remus and Peter… of course they were in it too.

And James! I couldn't believe he had never told me anything! That's why he hadn't stayed with me when I told him I was pregnant and didn't want the child. A very dangerous mission, Dumbledore said… he could have died and I wouldn't know!

"Argh," I finally let out, hiding my face in my hands. "I can't believe what I'm getting myself into."

"Should I assume you are finally answering what I asked you so long ago?"

I turned my head up to him and nodded. "Yes, professor. I wish to join the Order of the Phoenix."

Dumbledore smiled, "Excellent!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**Author's note: how about that little piece of Lily's past? Anyway, next chapter is going to be nice to write, especially because there'll be so much of Lily and James. xD **

**Hope you liked the chapter! It was a very, very important one, in my opinion.**

**Thanks for everyone who reviewed last chapter!**

**Hannah**

**Ps: you know the deal- Review!**


	14. Future

"_Lily, something arrived for you!"_

_I looked up from the paper I was writing to Emma's enthusiastic face._

"_What?" I asked, curiously. "A letter?"_

"_I reckon it _brings_ a letter as well," she said, smiling as a guy entered with a bouquet of blue petunias, which were my favourite flowers._

"_Sign here, miss, please," the guy said, giving me something to sign. After I did so, he gave me a letter, turned his back on me and left._

"_An admirer, Lily?" Emma asked as she sat back behind her desk._

"_Finally! She has been single for quite some time!" Ben, a guy who worked with us too, said as she looked at me from his place._

"_Oh, shut up," I told him as I stared at my flowers, and then at the letter._

_Smiling—and knowing exactly whom it was from—I opened it and took the parchment that was inside._

Just to tell you you're more beautiful than all the petunias in the world.

I'm at that little new coffee house around the corner.

J. P.

"_So, who are the flowers from?" Emma asked curiously._

_I grinned. "It doesn't have a name, only initials."_

"_A secret admirer?" Ben asked, chuckling, "That's more than you asked for."_

_I laughed. "You bet," I said. "Anyway, anyone want to go grab something to eat?"_

"_Sure! Where do you want to go?" Emma asked, grabbing her purse as she stood up. I stood up as well._

"_How about that little muggle place that opened around the corner?"_

_She shrugged, "Sounds good to me. You coming, Ben?"_

_He shook his head.__ "No. I promised Joan I'd go home for lunch. You know, the kids leave tomorrow for Hogwarts and she wants me there."_

_We smiled. "Sure. Say hello to her and good luck to Annie. She's entering this year, isn't she?"_

"_Yes. Joan wants her to be a Ravenclaw, but I hope she gets into Hufflepuff. Have a nice lunch ladies!"_

"_Thanks!" we said as we exited the room where we were._

_Talking about anything that came to our heads like the young women we were, we walked down the street to the little place I had mentioned. Once we entered, we looked around, but there was no free table._

"_Let's just go somewhere else," she said, but I was too concentrated on looking at James, who was looking at me as well and smirking._

"_We can sit there," I told her, pointing with my eyes to the table where James, Sirius Remus and Peter were sitting._

_Her eyes widened a little. "Isn't that James Potter?" she asked. "And Sirius Black? And Remus Lupin? And Peter Pettigrew?"_

_I laughed, remembering she was only two years older than me and had been to Hogwarts at the same time the Marauders had. She probably remembered then vividly._

"_Yes, it's them," I told her, "Want to go sit there?"_

"_Heavens, I haven't seen them since I left Hogwarts!" she said, as we walked to them, "Potter's even cuter now."_

_I sent her a glare she thankfully didn't see. "Hi boys! Do you mind if we sit?" I asked._

"'_Course not!" Sirius said happily. "And who is this girl? Don't I know you?"_

"_Emma Young," she said.__ "I was at Hogwarts while you were too."_

"_Oh, of course," Remus said.__ "I remember you. You were the girl whom Sirius once caught only in a towel in the prefect's bathroom."_

_She blushed. "Yes, that'd be me."_

_I smiled as we sat down, and I ended up next to James. "You needn't bring her," he said. "Although I bet Sirius is happy you did."_

_I looked at him confusedly. "Why is that?"_

"_Back in our fifth year Sirius had a crush on her," he explained._

"_I bet he started having that crush on her after seeing her in a towel," I said._

_James chuckled. "Something like that."_

(…)

"Lily, wait up."

"Go to hell."

"Please, let's talk."

"I don't want to talk you."

"But Lily—"

"Don't you freaking listen?" I yelled, madder than I had been in a while, stopping and turning back to glare at him. "I don't want to talk to you!" He sighed. Groaning, I turned back again and resumed walking.

We were walking through the grounds of Hogwarts, heading to Hogsmeade, where we'd be able to call the Knight bus. Other options were apparating and Floo Powder, and I'd end up leaving half my body somewhere or ending up in the wrong fireplace, such a nervous wreck I was.

Moody had stayed in Dumbledore's office, talking to him about the night events, and Sirius and James were walking with me.

Sirius was walking a little faster than both of us, trying to put some distance so that he wasn't forced to hear our screams. I was trying to catch up to him, so I could pretend not to hear James'. Now that all that was over—or as over as it'd ever be—I couldn't help but feel so _angry_ at him. In all the time we'd been together, he hadn't once mentioned he was trying to fight You-Know-Who. Not once.

And there I stood, the silly reporter, who thought her boyfriend's only occupation was antiques.

Urgh.

Back in Dumbledore's office, and after I had accepted to join the Order of the Phoenix, Dumbledore had said he'd warn me when the next meeting was to occur, and that, until then, I should worry about my health. After that, without further explanation, I was dismissed from his office.

Since we had left the place, James had been nagging me to talk to him, and to tell him what Dumbledore was talking about back in his office—I had never told him I had actually started Auror training and quit it when the weight of a death fell on my shoulders. And I didn't exactly feel like explaining it either.

"Just listen to me Lily, please!" he said, begging as he walked behind me and grabbed my arm to stop me.

"Listen to what? The fact that you almost got killed, the fact that you didn't tell me where exactly you were off to, or the fact that you forgot to mention you were in this bloody thing?" I asked furiously, gesturing to the castle where Dumbledore was. "If you knew what's good for you, you'd stay away from me, at least until I'm able to grasp the fact that you almost died!"

"What would you have done if I had told you?" he asked, still calm. "You wouldn't have let me go! I had to go, Lily!"

"Why?" I yelled, driven out of my mind by his so calm attitude. "Why would you just go and leave me here alone? What if something had happened to you? You're _so_ stupid, James Potter!"

"Nothing happened! And I'd never leave you on your own! Sirius was keeping an eye on you f—"

"Oh yes, because that makes me so much happier!" I said, sarcastically. "Why won't I go and just marry Sirius and pretend this kid is his?"

"You can drop the sarcasm," he said. "These are serious matters. What were you expecting I'd do? Stay home and watch everyone else fight and die, simply waiting for the day Voldemort—"

"Don't say the freaking name!" I yelled

"—would come and get me and my family?" he ended, and now he was yelling, so his voice was heard over my fearful shudders. "It's just a name, Lily!"

"Not just a name, James! Don't you know what this—this—this _man_ can do?" I told him, and now my voice was low, scared. How come I was much braver when I was facing the beast then when I was talking about it?

James sighed and took a step closer. "I couldn't tell you, I know you understand that."

He was now much closer to me than I really wanted him to be. I missed the heat of his skin so badly, than even one finger brushing my hand reminded me of what we used to be, before—a lot before—a storm of bad luck had come over us.

"I don't really want to fight him," I said, looking away and distancing my hand from his. "I'm scared."

"I'm scared too, hun. But someone has to fight, or this will never end," he said, taking back my hand and this time really grabbing it. "Especially now that we have one more Potter on the way."

Any other time, I'd have argued that, but that single time I didn't. I was looking at the high windows of the Great Hall, through where light was visible. A tornado of emotions hit me, memories of so long ago.

"I miss Hogwarts." I told him, still gazing at the school. "I miss how everything was so simple and easy. All I had to do was learn a few things to get me through my exams, and my biggest worry was when you'd harass me again."

I looked round to find James staring at me, his expression sober. I gulped, and last thing I knew I was crying on his shoulders, sobbing loudly, again, _again_. For the second time that night.

"I don't want to lose you, I don't want to lose my baby, I don't want to stay home watching everyone I know get hurt and I don't want to die," I said. "But, at the same time, I can't face any of that. I'm not strong enough, I've never been."

"Now, that's bullshit. The Lily Evans I knew at school was strong enough to tell me exactly were I should stick my pride and my oversized head. And to do that, you have to have some boldness."

That didn't cheer me up at all. He must have notice that, because he pushed me away from him slightly, so he could look at me directly.

"You don't have to fight if you don't want to. No one will force you. And, in any case, I'll be there protecting you; I wouldn't let any harm come your way," he said, and I smiled. "Or our son."

"James, I hate you so much when you do that," I told him, and I looked away again to clean my tears. "And, of course, you had to bring little James into the talk."

"Little James?" he asked, confused.

I grinned. "It's what Mary calls the baby," I told him. "It pisses me off so much when she does that."

He gave me an amused stare.

"Don't look at me like that; why would I call my baby _James_?" I told him. "Who says I'm keeping him at all?"

James shook his head, amused. Then, he said, "You're calling him little James, and not 'thing' anymore. You've had plenty of time to take the baby, and you haven't. And you've just said you wanted the baby. The conclusion that leads me to, is that you want to have this child as much as I do."

I looked at my feet, and didn't answer him for a while.

"I wished I could go back some three months. I hate how complicated my life is now," I told him.

He smiled. "I know what you mean," he said, then turning serious. "Speaking about that, I still didn't understand that story about quitting Auror training. You never told me anything about that."

I wrinkled my nose. "Do we have to talk about this now?" I asked him. "I'm tired James, physically and mentally. Can we please leave this to another time?"

He sighed. "Alright; we should get going anyway," he said, indicating the school gates' direction with his eyes. Then he turned back to me with an accusing expression. "But don't you think I'll forget this."

I nodded. "Don't worry, I'm quite conscious of what I have to tell you, sooner or later."

"Good. Want me to go with you on the bus and take you home?"

"No, it's okay, I can do it," I told him and we walked faster to Hogsmeade. "I believe Mary will want some questions answered. We'll talk tomorrow, alright?"

We had finally left the school grounds and I was ready to call the Knight Bus. Before I had time to it, however, I noticed Sirius had already done it, for he was standing a few feet away, talking to some old guy in purple robes whom I knew to be the driver of the bus.

I turned to James. "Bye," I said, not really sure of what to do.

He seemed to be having this same struggle, for he smiled and leaned over, then backed away, and finally decided to simply kiss my cheek. "I'll apparate over tomorrow morning," he said.

"I have to work," I told him.

"Just ask the day off," James said.

"I can't. I asked the day off today," I told him. "How about you go there overnight?"

He nodded. "Alright. See you, Lily."

"See you," I said, before turning away from him and walking to where the bus was, saying goodbye to Sirius and entering the purple thing.

(…)

"Lily, thank God!" Mary said as soon as I entered our apartment. "You look awful! What happened? I apparate here and after some minutes when you didn't come back I thought about going to Alice's and see if you were there, but then I remembered maybe Alice had decided to tell you something, and I decided not to go. And some minutes ago, Remus and Peter dropped by to say you were going to be late, but they didn't tell me why or where you were, or what was happening."

I let her talk as I walked to the couch and lay down, dead tried. I let my purse and wand fall on the centre table and closed my eyes as Mary droned on.

"Lily? Lily!" she said, and I opened my eyes quickly again. "Are you even listening to me?"

"Sorry, Mary. You were saying?"

She sighed and sat down in the closest armchair. "I was saying that I was so worried about you, that I didn't want to be alone, so I asked Adam to drop by. And he did. And, when we were talking—I'm not sure how it happened—we were talking about you, then we were talking about us and I told him you were having James' baby and then—then, he proposed!"

My head, hitherto turned to the floor, immediately turned to her. "He asked you to marry him?" I asked, incredulous.

Mary nodded. "Yes, he did!" she said. "I was so flabbergasted that I—I just stared at him for some five minutes before he asked me what was wrong and then—then I just jumped on him and said yes!"

I blinked and had the urge to sit straight. "You're getting married?"

She nodded, grinning. "I am!" she said.

"Mary, that's—that's something big! Are you sure that's what you want? I mean, _marriage_!"

She nodded quite enthusiastically. "Yes, that's what I want. And that's not all."

I looked at her confusedly. "Don't tell me you're pregnant too?"

She laughed nervously. "No, it's not that. He asked me to move in with him," she said, biting her lip in anticipation. "I still haven't told him my answer because—you know—you and the baby."

I stared at her without saying anything for a while, actually not knowing what to say.

In that second, I understood why Alice never told me that she was on the Order. I also understood why James kept that away from me. They probably had felt like I was feeling in that moment: seeing someone you love so much the happiest you've ever seen her, and knowing that what you should tell her will only bring her down, and ruin the happiness she has conquered.

I didn't want to take Mary away from her chimera; she was about to get married, moving in with the guy she loved. Mary, the girl who never actually loved anyone. And it was all so sudden, I bet not even she was expecting it to happen.

No, I couldn't ruin that for her. With that thought, I promised myself not to tell her about the Order, but to do anything I could to make sure she was safe.

She, the other hundreds of muggle-borns out there, every muggle I could safe and, of course, my baby. I would do anything I could to make sure nothing happened to him.

"Mary, I couldn't possibly ask you not to go," I told her, smiling. "I don't want you to stay here just because I'm pregnant. I can handle myself, don't worry."

"I know you can, Lily, but with James gone and all—"

"James's back," I told her, interrupting her. "That was why I was late. I was with him."

She gasped. "Really?" she asked. "God, that's great!"

I nodded, smiling. "I know," I said. "We haven't exactly figured things out, I mean, we basically fought all night, but I'm sure things will be fine. Especially because we have to take care of this little fellow here," I told her, putting my hand over my belly.

"So you're really keeping little James?"

I nodded. "Or little Lily, who knows?"

She laughed and we both stood up and hugged. A hug that was the strongest I had received that night, a hug that showed all we cared for each other: a sisters' hug.

"Just… take care of yourself," I told her. "And come over now and then."

Mary nodded, tears brimming in her eyes. "Of course I will," she said, "especially because I'll have to keep an eye on this new Potter fellow."

"William Potter," I said, considering. "Allegra Potter. Doesn't it sound nice?"

Mary laughed. "Love, you're one month pregnant, you have a lot of time to get to the names."

"You're right."

She smiled. We stayed the rest of the night like that, talking about babies, weddings and so on; simply talking like two teenagers—like two _normal_ nineteen-year-old teenagers

"Do you know what really sounds nice?" she said later, when we decided it was time to call it a night—more like a morning—as she walked to the door of the living room, ready to go to her room. "About names ending with Potter we talked about earlier?"

"What?" I asked, curious.

"Lily Potter," she said, smirking, before waving goodnight and leaving me to my thoughts.

Interesting how I hadn't thought about that ever since I had rejected James' proposition. I mean, I was pregnant, James was back and we were more united than ever in our life. Just like the idea crossed Mary's mind, what if it crossed James'? Was I ready to say yes if he asked me to marry him again?

Shaking my head of those thoughts, I decided to leave that for after some good hours of sleep. Standing up, I followed Mary's example and walked to my room, ready to fall into the deepest dream.

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**Author's note: hello my dears! Hope you had a good week!!**

**Anyway, here's one more chapter, with loads of James and Lily. xD**

**I answered everyone; just check your e-mail boxes.**

**Thanks!**

**Hannah**


	15. Mummy and Daddy

_"And where exactly are we going tonight?" Mary asked as she entered my room to see me dressed in a navy-blue dress James had given me._

_"James asked me out for dinner," I informed her, trying to choose what heels to wear._

_"And you're actually going?" she asked me, astonished. "I thought you didn't want everyone to know that you were dating."_

_"We're going to a muggle restaurant," I told her. "No one will know us there. He was so excited when he asked me out, I think he's preparing something big for tonight."_

_"Nice," she said, "When did you get that dress?"_

_"James gave me. To wear tonight. I told you he was preparing something big," I said._

_She laughed. "I bet he'll wear a tie the same colour your dress is."_

_I laughed too and threw the nearest pillow at her. "Go to hell."_

_(…)_

_"You look beautiful," James said as we sat in a very expensive and fancy muggle Chinese restaurant. "Did I tell you that already?"_

_I chuckled. "At least five times," I answered. "And I've already said you think I look beautiful dressed in anything."_

_"What can I do? You're naturally beautiful," he said, smiling._

_"And you love me, which also helps," I said._

_He nodded and smiled. "I'm glad I went to Frank's wedding," he said. "Glad I met you again."_

_"You want to know the truth? If I could, I wish I had never met you," I said. "At least I wouldn't be so cheesy and lame, for being so in love."_

_James chuckled. "That was cheesy and lame," he said._

_"I know," I answered, smiling, as a waitress arrived with our desserts—those Chinese fortune cookies both James and I loved._

_"Mine says: 'People around you are not what you think'," he read. "What does that mean?"_

_I shrugged as I picked mine. "What does it say?" James asked._

_I unrolled the paper and read it loud, "It says: 'Will you marry me?'" I said, screwing my face. "What?" I asked, looking up to James, only to find out he had moved. He was now kneeling before me, a black velvet box with a beautiful ring with diamonds and rubies set inside it in his hand. I had feeling I knew what that was…_

_"What are you doing?" I asked, confused._

_"Will you?" was the only thing he said, smiling that adorable smiled of his._

_But that didn't stop me from panicking. I was by no means ready to get married; I was nineteen for God's sake! I was a teenager and so was he!_

_But there was something in his face… something in those eyes, in that smile that told me he was ready for that big step. I couldn't let him down._

_I could feel, more than I saw, everyone's gaze on us. I couldn't say no… I'd hurt him, and that was the last thing I wanted to do._

_But if I said yes… I'd be hurting myself. I'd be forcing myself to do something I didn't want. And would he really want me to marry him forced?_

_"Lily?" he asked, looking up at me. "Will you marry me?"_

_I took a deep breath. "James—I—God, this is so sudden!" I told him, but he kept looking at me, never looking away._

_"Yes, I'll marry you."_

(…)

I was in the living room when the door bell rang. Walking to the door, I opened it and smiled. James.

"Hey, come in," I told him, walking back into the living room, him following me.

"So, what can I do?"

I looked round to the amount of boxes that surrounded me. "I've almost everything packed up. Just put those books that are in that pile in a box, will you?" I asked him, back to taking Mary's possessions out of the shelves.

"Sure," James said, waving his wand in its direction. "Done."

I chuckled as I kept doing what I was doing. It had been two weeks since Mary had told Adam she'd move in with him. The first week was all about enjoying each other's company, our last moments together in that house. The second was, mostly, about packing up her things, even her Hogwarts books that we didn't even remembered we still had.

"You didn't really have to come," I told him as I closed one more box.

"Are you complaining?" he asked me with a raised eyebrow.

"Of course not," I told him. "Just… informing."

James chuckled. "To me it seems more like you're trying to escape from that little chat we were supposed to have two weeks ago," he said. "But this time, Mummy, there'll be no escape."

I sighed. "I know, I know," I told him. "And I wasn't trying to escape anything. I was just… delaying it until Mary was no longer with me."

"Sure," James said sarcastically, opening his mouth to say something else when Mary entered the room.

"I guess you're done here too?" she asked as she noticed the boxes closed on the floor. I nodded. "My room's finished as well," she said, looking around her carefully. "I'm going to miss this."

I smiled. "I know you will. But remember what we said? This is the beginning of your biggest adventure," I told her.

She smiled. "If I remember correctly, you said the only adventure I'd be having was only having sex with one guy."

I laughed. "That too," I said.

Mary laughed as well. "I guess this is it then," she said, taking large steps to where I stood in the middle of the living room, waving her wand to the boxes, making them vanish, on their way to Adam's place, where he was waiting for her.

"I'll miss you," I said.

"You know I'll miss you too," she said, giving me a bear hug. "All those crazy nights here, all your hysteric screams when I walked in on you and James," she said, making me chuckle. "Take care, Lily," she said. "And take care of little James too."

"You know I will," I told her. "You take care of yourself too. And if you ever need anything, you know where to find me."

She smiled as she broke the hug, not letting go of my hand. "Listen," she whispered, so that James would not hear. "I found this in one of my drawers when I was taking my stuff out. I guess I should give it back now, right?"

And I felt her slipping something into my left hand. Something who's shape resembled one of a ring. My eyes widened. It was my engagement ring.

"I didn't even remember you had it!" I whispered back. "What am I supposed to do with it?"

She smiled enigmatically. "Whatever you think you should do," she said. "Whatever your heart tells you to do."

"And that would be?"

"Don't ask me, I'm not your heart, I'm your conscience," she said. "I'll come by to check on you, alright? Bye."

"Bye, Mary," I said.

"See you around, James," she said, turning to where he was standing. "Take care of my favourite Mummy."

James grinned. "You needn't ask. See you around."

With that, Mary turned on the spot and was gone, disapparating to Adam's place.

I sighed. That was it. She was gone. No more Mary.

Walking to the couch, I sat down. After some seconds, James sat beside me, not saying anything but putting his arm around my shoulders.

"I guess it's just me now," I told him. "This house seems incredibly empty without her things," I said, holding the ring she had given me tightly in my grasp.

"I know what you mean," he said. "She kind of grew on me too."

We were in silence, him staring at me, and me staring at the opened window, but thinking about my closed hand.

"Maybe it's time for us to have that little chat?" he asked after some minutes in silence. "I've given you enough time and space to think about it."

I looked at him. "And in the most creative way too," I told him.

He frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You went on a suicidal mission, James, remember? That's a bloody stupid way to give me time and space!" I said, glaring up at him. I wasn't over the fact that he had gotten himself almost killed. I didn't think I'd ever really be.

"We've been through this," he said. "I think I made myself clear when I explained why I didn't tell you and why I had to go."

"You could've died! What good would you do me dead?" I asked.

"But I didn't die, Lily. I'm here, I'm safe and I'm with you," he said.

I shook my head and sighed. "You're right; let's forget this for now."

James was very quiet for a while, and I could almost bet I knew what he was going to ask me next. And I wasn't disappointed.

"Is it true that you quit Auror training?" he asked me, quietly.

I nodded, but didn't say anything right away, instead laying down in the couch in a way my head was resting on his lap.

"When I was missing one year to finish it," I informed him.

"Why did you?" he asked me.

I was in silence for some minutes, not really knowing ho to put it.

"Lily—"

"I heard you," I said, cutting him off. I was thinking about how it'd be better to answer him. I mean, there really wasn't a less cowardly way to explain it, was there?

"I got scared," I told him at last. "I got scared and did the only thing I know how to do when I get scared: I ran."

"Lily—"

"I know I should've stayed," I told him, turning my face up to look at his expression. "But he killed a girl because of me. A little girl. How am I supposed to live with that?"

"What? Who—_what_?"

"I was with Alice, having lunch," I started telling him, feeling my eyes tearing, "in a little muggle coffee house. Many trainees and Aurors went there for lunch, it was cheap and close to the Auror's headquarters. She had just told me Frank had asked her to marry him and she was inviting me to be one of her bridesmaids when—when he came in. He was after Moody I think, he also used to go there for lunch. He wasn't there though when he got there," I said, looking back in my mind to that day.

"Lily, if you don't want to, you don't really have to go on," James said, looking at me with a sympathetic face.

I shook my head. I _did_ have to go on. "Alice and I, of course, started to help fight the Death Eaters. At some point, we were standing right in front of him. And he recognised me—"

"How?" James asked me, stupefied.

"Severus," I said, filching at the name as if a bucket of cold water had been thrown at me, "He recognised me as 'Snape's obsession', he called me a Mudblood and said my parents were—were trash and I just—I just answered him, I couldn't stand the way he spoke about them. And when I did, he—he just killed a little girl that was hiding under a table. She was so scared, James, _I_ was so scared when I saw her fall. She had so much time to live. And just like that she was dead. And maybe, if I hadn't talked back to him, maybe she would still be—"

However, James' lips were suddenly over mine, not letting me finish what I was saying. I had missed that kiss so much that I did not complain nor did I try to push him away. Instead I kissed him back, enjoying the fact that I had him with me again.

"It wasn't your fault," he said, after he broke the kiss, leaving a coffee taste in my lips. "If it's anyone's fault, it's his. He's the one who's making all this happen."

"Yes, but if I hadn't—"

"Do you think he'd not kill a muggle if you had stayed quiet?" he asked me, and I sat up to look at him better. "He's a dark wizard, Lily. For him, muggles mean nothing. There wasn't anything you could really do."

I nodded, looking down. I felt him pushing me into his lap, and hugging me close. I rested my head on his shoulder and my hands around his waist.

And we just stood there, holding each other for the longest time. I took deep breathes, inhaling his scent, that citric fresh scent he had and that just smelt like _James_. (1)

Taking my right hand from its previous location, I caressed his face, touching his lips with my fingers, taking in the fact that he was disturbingly handsome, even if his glasses were a little too big and hid his eyes a little too well.

Lowering my hand, I put it over his chest, just so I could fell his heartbeat. I was surprised to find it beating so fast, it could have been trying to find his way out of his ribcage.

"Your heart," I whispered, "is beating so fast."

I looked at his face to see him smiling. "Is it?" he asked, his breath shallow.

I nodded, distancing my face from his shoulder so I could look directly into his twinkling hazel eyes. "Yes," I told him. "It could very well compete with mine."

I smiled. He smiled back. His face started coming closer, his nose rubbed mine, and, finally, his lips were on mine. He was kissing me. Deep, slow and passionately.

"I missed this," I told him. "Us."

I felt him smiling against my lips before he kissed me again, then leaving my mouth and kissing and sucking on my neck. His hands were roaming my body and, before I knew it, he was laying me down on the couch, him on top of me. His lips were back to my mouth and his hands were still exploring under my blouse, as if rediscovering a land he hadn't visited for so long.

With the ability I had long learned he had, he took my blouse away, leaving me only in my bra and pants. I fiddled with his jumper for a while before taking it out as well, so that his skin touched mine, his heat was my heat, and our heart beats were synchronised.

I groaned loudly as he kissed his way down my body, taking a little longer on my belly.

One of my hands was tangled on his wild black hair, the other still holding the ring tightly. At some point, I accidentally let it fall to the floor, but James didn't seem to notice, and I did no movement to catch it.

James' mouth came back to mine and, taking charge, my hands roamed down his body, stopping at his belt and zip, undoing it and pulling it down his legs. He helped kicking it off, taking out his shoes as well.

We started kissing again and I couldn't help but moan again as I felt James' aroused state. One month and a half without him had been a nightmare.

Just as I was about to delve more into his boxers, the voice of our old Headmaster sounded, making us break apart and distance ourselves as much as possible, as if we had been electrified.

Heart pouncing even more for having been caught half-naked, I turned around, only to find myself looking at a phoenix-shaped Patronus. I breathed in relief.

"The next Order of the Phoenix meeting is to happen at five o'clock this evening, in Marlene McKinnon's house. Dress nicely, we are in for a photo!" the amused voice of the old man said.

Then, the Patronus dissolved. I stood staring at where it had been for a while.

"At McKinnon's? That bitch's?"

"Lily!" James said, chuckling. "She's a nice girl."

I glared at him. "Nice when she's with you," I informed him.

He arched an eyebrow. "Jealous?"

"Completely," I said.

He laughed again and resumed kissing my neck. I laughed. "What are you doing?" I asked him.

"Kissing you," he informed me.

I laughed again. "I notice that. Why?"

He chuckled. "I think that's pretty obvious," he said, as he kept kissing my neck.

"We have a meeting in ten minutes," I informed him, looking at the clock on my wrist.

"We can afford to be late. You're pregnant, we'll say you felt sick."

"James!" I said, amused.

He stopped and groaned. "Please?"

"No!" I said, laughing and pushing him off me as I sat up. "Get dressed," I said, looking for my blouse. I found it under James' jumper, next to the ring that had fallen from my hands. I picked it up quickly and stored it at my pants' pocket, then dressing my blouse.

"What did you hide in your pocket?" James asked me suddenly, as he got dressed.

"Nothing," I said, picking up my wand and his as well. "Let's go?" I asked him.

"C'mon, what was it, Lils?" he asked as he finished putting on his shoes and stood up as well, standing next to me.

"Nothing James, I've told you," I said.

He rolled his eyes. "Alright, don't tell me. How are you going? Floo Powder?"

I nodded. "I'll have to. I don't really feel like apparating," I said, "Remind me to ask McKinnon until when I can apparate, being pregnant and all."

He nodded as we walked to the fireplace. Once we were there instead of picking the pot where I kept the Floo Powder, James pulled my little frame to him and kissed me. I noticed he was trying to get his hand into the pocket I had put the ring—however I noticed it too late, and, before I could do or say anything, he had pulled out the ring.

He stared at it for while, before looking at me with a confused face. "I didn't even remember you had it," he said.

"Yeah," was the only thing I could mumble, not knowing what else to say.

"Why do you have it on your pocket?"

"Now that's a good question," I said, trying to change the subject. "But we really should be going."

"Lily?"

"We're going to be late."

"_Lily!"_

I looked at him and sighed. "FMary was keeping it for me, and before she went to Adam's she gave it back."

"Why was Mary keeping it?"

I shrugged. "Because," I said. "I don't know James, let's just go, alright?"

I turned and was ready to go when he caught my arm and spun me around. "Why did she have it?" he asked again, calmly but dangerously at the same time.

I looked at the floor. "That night you left my apartment completely mad with me, I asked Mary to keep it so I wouldn't give it back to you."

"Why?"

"Because I thought—I thought that, if I still had the ring, even if we had broken up, it'd still be something that connected me with you," I said at last. "Like—like some kind of bond that'd keep you close."

I looked up at him to see him staring at the ring again, "If I... if I asked you to marry me now, what would you say?" he asked, and my eyes widened.

"What?"

"Marry me," he repeated. "Be my wife."

"James—"

"Will you?"

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(1) For everyone who doesn't remember, James' cologne was called _James_. That was how she remembered his name.

**Author's note: sad annoucement- this is coming to an end. That was the last flashback, he asked her to marry him.**

**Alright, thanks everyone who reviewed!**

**Hannah**


	16. Baby Harry:epiloge

"Isn't he the cutest thing ever?"

"Hum…"

"Isn't he?"

"Well… he's alright."

"Alright? James! Padfoot said our son was _alright_!"

"Lily, just leave the guy alone. Harry is the cutest baby ever, don't worry."

I smiled as James gave me a chaste kiss, and I turned to stick my tongue out at Sirius. "See? My baby is beautiful."

"Handsome, Lily. Beautiful is for girls," Sirius said as he stared at Harry, who was sleeping in his crib.

I smiled as I saw James walking to him, and both Marauders smiled at the little raven haired baby.

"Let's go downstairs? I don't want to wake him up," Sirius said, as he caressed Harry's face with his finger. He was definitely the perfect Godfather.

"Don't worry. Harry sleeps like a rock," James said, putting a hand on his mate's shoulder. "He's like his mother."

"Hey!" I complained as I smacked his head, "I do not sleep like a rock!"

The bell ringing stopped him from answering.

"I'll get it. It must be Remus and Peter," Sirius said, walking to the door. He turned back for a while to look at us. "Now don't you go and wake him while I'm gone!"

I raised my hands in a peace gesture. "Don't worry, no one will touch him," I tranquilised him.

I watched as he closed the door carefully, and I couldn't ever hear his footsteps as he walked down the stairs.

"For someone who says he's an ugly baby he cares a little too much about him," I told James, grinning.

He chuckled, "Leave him. You know he's ecstatic with having a Godson. I don't think Sirius ever had any kind of responsibility with any being."

"He never had a dog?"

James gave me a funny look. "What?" I asked, bemused.

"Was it me or you have just compared Harry with a dog?" he asked me, amusement written all over his face.

I pouted. "'Course not!" I said, "My baby is nowhere near a dog!"

He put his hand over my shoulders and pulled me close, kissing my forehead. "Of course he isn't."

"Now, enter quietly. Harry is asleep," Sirius said, as the door opened as he let him Remus and Peter before entering himself.

"Lily!" Remus said as he walked forward to hug me.

"Shh!!" Sirius said, and we chuckled quietly as I hugged Peter as well.

"Calm down, he won't wake up," James said, as he walked forward and hugged Remus, "Haven't seen you in a while Moony, is everything alright?"

Remus shrugged, "Order business," he said. We all nodded and I stared again to my baby. Why did it have to be him?

James sensed my distress as he took my hand, "Lils…"

"I'm okay," I told him, looking up at his anxious face, "Really."

He nodded. Remus and Peter walked forward too to take a look at my baby. "He's bigger," Peter said.

"How old is he now?" Remus asked.

"Six months," I said, proudly, "Dumbledore's been here the other day. He says Harry is growing up really well."

"He'll be a fine lad, full of girls, won't you Harry?" James said, touching the baby's tummy with his finger. "Angry redheads and all, right?"

I punched him lightly.

"You too, be quiet! James, be careful when you touch him!" Sirius said from behind us. We chuckled again.

"You know what?" Remus said, "Why don't we just take Padfoot downstairs?"

"I agree," Peter said, as both of them took his arms and dragged him out.

"We'll be down in a minute," James said, as the door closed and we were alone once again. I stared at the baby in the crib.

"Don't worry, we'll be fine," James said, as he squeezed my hand, "Harry will be fine," he added.

"I know, I know… it's not that," I said.

"What's the matter then?"

I looked out of the window, trying to contain my tears. "I'm tired of being here, James. I miss Alice, I miss Emmeline, Mary" I lowered my voice as two tears escaped my eyes, "Dorcas…"

"Lily, there was nothing anyone could've done," he said, "Stop blaming yourself, alright? We're in a war, people die," he said, "Just, please, don't think about that right now."

I nodded, cleaning my tears, "You're right," I said, "Forgive me."

He didn't say anything as we simply stood there, holding hands and looking at our baby.

"Will this ever end?" I asked after a few minutes. I looked at James to see him smiling.

"Of course it will," he said, "And we'll be together when it ends, just like we are now."

"I love you," I told him as I leaned my head on his chest, "And I love Harry."

"You know I love you both too."

After some more silent time, the door opened again, "Hey, you said a minute," Remus said, as his face popped into the room, "Wormtail and I are kind of tired of having Sirius complaining about you two waking the baby."

James and I chuckled. "Okay, mummy, time to go down!" James said as he kissed Harry's forehead and then pulled me by the hand to the door. I stopped him.

"One more minute? Just to make sure Harry's alright?"

James sighed, "Honestly woman, you're going to turn that baby into a girl" he said.

I chuckled and punched him slightly before he left the room following Remus.

I smiled and, against Sirius' will, picked up the baby from the crib, sitting with him in a chair nearby. Harry opened those amazing green eyes of his and looked up at me.

"Don't tell Padfoot," I told him, and he smiled, reaching my hand that was playing with his tummy with his little ones.

I stood staring at the ring he was trying to take off my finger and smiled, switching the finger he was playing with, "No, no, Harry James Potter, your father had a lot of trouble to put that in there, so don't try to take it now."

Harry simply smiled and laughed at me, and I smiled back.

It was great to be a mother.

It was great to be married.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"_If I... if I asked you to marry me now, what would you say?"_

"_What?"_

"_Marry me," he repeated, "Be my wife."_

"_James-"_

"_Will you?"_

"_I—I—"__, I sighed, taking deep breaths before I spoke, "Yes."_

"_For real this time?"_

"_Yes. I want to marry you. I want to be your wife."_

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**Author's note: I know, you should have me killed for taking so long to update the last chapter. But this time, it really wasn't my fault. My computer broke down and he's really old, so that gave me a lot of trouble. Besides, I lost the chapter I had already written and then I had no idea of what I had**** actually written.**

**Anyway, the last chapter is here. And I was mistaken, there was one last flashback! xD**

**Thanks everyone who reviewed or even just read this fic. Thanks to my beta, **_**mystrymoviebrunette**_**, and to:**

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**(Basically, everyone on the story alert list plus everyone who ever reviewed- if I missed anyone, sorry. And yes, I was bored and decided to entertain myself a little. xD)**

**See you all around!!**

**Hannah**


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